Today, while I was casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML
Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Today, I was working a midnight shift when a guy came in drunk and was trying to get me to come home with him. I said I had a boyfriend. As I said this, my manager, who has no teeth and B.O, said he was my boyfriend. I will never live this down with my co-workers. FML
Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
Today, while I was working in a bar, a very fat drunk guy kept flirting with me. He assumed I liked him because I kept blushing. I didn’t. It’s just been so long since anyone flirted with me that I apparently now cannot control my reactions if a man talks to me. FML
Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML
Today, I was sitting next to the guy I am trying to get close to while we were at the bar. Music was playing, so I thought that while his attention was diverted I would sneak out a yawn. Just as I did so, the music went silent and I let out a tremendous burp. FML
Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML
Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML
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Top comments
misfitSuperStar 0
OMG!!!! Gross!! 'You sure do got a purdy mouth, boy.'
lolwtfwasthat 0
it's gonna be ok I promise!
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Comments (85)
Popsiclese 0
your a sailor you should have liked it
rakume 0
sailors are girls.
orchestralslices 3
Lol. That's freaking hilarious. And sorry Op, but the Marines trump all.
chrisamagod 0
your navy so its ok you screamed like a girl its expected Sincerely SGT D (ARMY)
cocblkdbyfarmvil 0
Sailor or Marine still Department of the Navy, which makes you all queer. Go Army.
yeasayer 0
I think it's because you were in the navy that you screamed like a girl.
austin9797 0
navy is for pussys
austin9797 0
navy is pathetic they sit on a boat navy seals is the only branch of navy deserving of the army title
GermanRanger 7
Who u have no respect do u??? With out them we wouldnt ever be able to win any war, plus those ships are important and their are alot more things they do besides seals and ships
Rajah723 0
Worst. Joke. Ever.
ssoccerchick97 16
This so deserves a favorite.