Today, while I was casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML
Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Today, I was working a midnight shift when a guy came in drunk and was trying to get me to come home with him. I said I had a boyfriend. As I said this, my manager, who has no teeth and B.O, said he was my boyfriend. I will never live this down with my co-workers. FML
Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
Today, while I was working in a bar, a very fat drunk guy kept flirting with me. He assumed I liked him because I kept blushing. I didn’t. It’s just been so long since anyone flirted with me that I apparently now cannot control my reactions if a man talks to me. FML
Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML
Today, I was sitting next to the guy I am trying to get close to while we were at the bar. Music was playing, so I thought that while his attention was diverted I would sneak out a yawn. Just as I did so, the music went silent and I let out a tremendous burp. FML
Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML
Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML
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Top comments
misfitSuperStar 0
OMG!!!! Gross!! 'You sure do got a purdy mouth, boy.'
lolwtfwasthat 0
it's gonna be ok I promise!
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Comments (85)
lolwtfwasthat 0
it's gonna be ok I promise!
marinus_fml 20
It could have been a lot worse! he could have actually kissed you on the mouth and vomit down you throat! I think you had it easy.
mona_is_here 10
Is the OP a girl or a boy?
bwfc83 0
So..... If he HAD teeth, you would have kisses him back? What's that song by the Village People? 'In the Navy' or something??
_streets_ 19
10 I think the op is a guy because it said that they screamed like a little girl, which I don't think would matter if it were a woman who posted this.... but either way that's kind ****** gross :/
mona_is_here 10
14, yeah, considering it's a guy, the fml seems even more gross :D or grosser? sorry I don't know the right word :(
doorfloor 0
his breath probably smells like happiness.
adamsk1 0
that's why you don't go gavy.
SmylieVyrus 0
yeah, my grandpa says being in a navy uniform is like having a rainbow bumper sticker.
izaba 0
lmao! 7. you think of the most disturbing shit ever.
quite_bored 9
It's funny because being a navy sailor makes no difference, because they are little girls anyway.
LoriBrooke 0
u need a reality check. I'm in the navy, as a gunners mate and could prolly out shoot you on any gun you hand me. let's see you go on an 8 to 12 month deployment fighting against pirates in the Persian gulf and deal with all the crap in the middle east. I doubt you could deal with one week on a ship. sounds to me like u are the little girl.
BehindTheSun 2
Guess who's over sensitive.... Personally, I think the Marines beat the Navy's ass, but that doesn't mean I appreciate the Navy any less. Besides, who the hell WOULDN'T want to go on a pirate hunt all day long?
ComMed1 0
oh come on 32 you're a seamen just like the rest of em.
insertusernamehe_fml 0
36- seaman* but I see what you failed to do there
DearLar 0
doesn't matter op's gender. I'd be scared either way
nebula748 14
32- geez, someone needs to validate their non-little girl status...
nabo4u 0
ydi for being in the navy. you were probably dresses in your faggety white uniform, and he figured that you'd like it. become a real man and join the army. go airborne too
nabo4u 0
*dressed
degrassilovur 0
oh gosh;; that's gross >.< lol... ull live OP
CrimsonWolf1294 0
Marinus, that's just ******* disgusting...
HeroOfMi 0
I lol'd at all the people making fun of the navy who haven't done anything for their country. telling people to "be a real man and join the army" when they haven't done shit, themselves. I'm with 32, I'd like to see any of you last a week in the navy XD i'll admit, I couldn't do it :p
Freeze_fml 17
No one has even mentioned the army.
heynow00wellthen 0
33-I agree with you on the Marines beating the Navy's asses. lol But, like you, I appreciate the Navy. And I'm only saying this cause my brother is in the Marines. They do some crazy shit.
BehindTheSun 2
55: I may not know anything about the Navy, but I was enlisted for a year and a half in the Marines. Good try though.
ratmoe 0
deff. agree marines are better, my brother leaves for the marines on sunday...
Brittney_E 0
32 should shoot 25. just saying...
HeroOfMi 0
63 if you've actually done something, my comment doesn't apply to you. :)
HeroOfMi 0
59 the comment that is moderated said it I think..I know I read it somewhere.
joshrmcguffey 0
Marines are brain washed robots! A sailor can kick a marines ass any day! Go navy.
ninjacapo 2
any of u guys talkin shit about anybody in the military think about this. they fight and millions die for ur freedom. so that u can live out ur pathetic life as a consumer they r the reason u are safe at night. the reason nobody breaks into ur house, rapes ur children, and slits your throat. im not in the military. but i know people who are. if u wouldnt say it to their face, dont talk shit about them on the internet (tht they fight for)
monnanon 14
@82 I think you'll find that raping, killing and breaking into houses happens quite a lot despite the fighting the armed forces are doing. They do not fight for the internet or our consumer culture they fight where they are told to fight which at the moment is overseas. Dont get me wrong I think that people who choose to be in the armed forces are very brave but don't dress it up like they are protecting us from imminent invasion.
Palmless 0
That's what happens when you casually sit at bars. I could've sworn everyone knew a toothless biker would try to kiss you, if sat anywhere casually with them around.
mmmrabies 0
I don't blame you. At all.
foREVerA7X 0
#31 anybody that gives there life for their country is a lot more of a Man/Women then you ever will be. Give a little respect to the people that actually have the balls to join the military.
twinny_sc 13
82 lol I understand that you were trying to defend the armed forces but you failed immensely. They do not protect against rapist and murderers. They do on the other hand protect from foreign invasion and for us to live freely. Do some research kid.
VvCJHvV 6
Okay that is pretty freaky. Thank you fellow Sailor for serving for our country. I guess even drunk gay bikers want to share their appreciation lol. I sure hope non try that on me when I'm in. For all of you that bad mouth the military, obviously haven't been in nor truely understand what it's like. I don't purely speak from experience, but soon I can, and I've had plenty of family and friends who have served. Neither force is better than another, and all should be congratulated for what they do. We may not be fighting against rape, burglary, or anything domestic, but we fight for Democracy, peace, and certainly the protection of our country and loved ones.
afdude87 6
its ok, it's because you're in the navy. i forgive you.
hugopz 0
dude...wtf
crownedwolf 0
Marines couldn't kick Navy's ass because of the Navy SEAL's.
sactownsfinest 0
lol must not have been your type then huh op cause sailors only like seamen! ha!
adamsk1 0
that's because he's in the gavy!! and I can say that because I'm military!!
awesomenick100 0
calm ur shit. everyone is a little girl at heart! lmao
Scotth901 22
Probably a boy because his response would have been differently said had it been a girl.
shadeslayer99 13
The Marines are part of the Navy…
felton 0
Shoulda let him....
SettoFail 9
well I don't blame you that's ******* gross
countrydevil 6
I mean he is a sailor.. rah
misfitSuperStar 0
OMG!!!! Gross!! 'You sure do got a purdy mouth, boy.'
BehindTheSun 2
'Boy? Oh please Hun. That's only on the weekends.'
leader0011 5
I agree that is groty
dangermouse2990 19
Eddie Murphy Delirious reference? Nice!!
Chrisskiies 0
I think Op is a girl, cus if it was a guy sailor I'm sure he woulda kicked some ass. And break the remainder of the drunk's teeth.
Chrisskiies 0
Nvm lmao i thought it said missing teeth.* grr where the effe is the edit button on the app when you need it?
WYK_fml 0
probably a guy, if the op wasn't, then it probably wouldn't matter if they screamed like a little girl
Chrisskiies 0
WYL- Refer to my comment #18 somewhere down there. v v v v
Peacemaker9 7
holy shit op I swear if ur a guy then I'm srry u really give all navy men a bad name.
Ludii_fml 0
yeah if i were a muscled navy man i woulda punched him in the face or kicked him in the nuts. but not scream. i'm a girl and even i woulda just run away geez
christinamarie17 29
Really #5? I don't think OP is giving the navy a bad name I think the drunk dude at the bar with no teeth trying to kiss a random guy is giving the human race a bad name.
shanefilan 0
Ha... u did right cause he was very likely to vomit in ur face... But boy, I prefer to hear that scream!!
sugarkiller_fml 6
by saying 'scream like girl ', op means he is a guy. it's not your fault to scream in a situation like this. you probably just act out of reflex.
Chrisskiies 0
I doubt it, Op said they are a sailor in the navy so that would mean their reflex should still be good. Op could be a girl, but ashamed that all that money the government spent on training her to endure worse conditions were for naught.
Chrisskiies 0
Nvm I read your comment wrong. -.- But the latter of my comment still holds true to what I believe.
kap_361 4
haha hooya Navy!!
Trollz4daLULZ 2
YDI for being a semen. YDI for flirting with bikers.
margicks 1
I think anyonebwould scream at that. *shivers*