Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML
Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML
Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML
Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML
Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML
Today, a guy kept flirting with me despite all my hints for him to kindly fuck off and die, so I lied and said I'm a lesbian. This didn't stop him. It got so bad, I had to claim I was born with a dick and say that's why I like girls. Only then did he say "Eeewww..." and back off. FML
Today, I went to a local bar for a speed dating event. The first person I hooked up with took one look at my face, burst into laughter, and walked out of the bar practically doubling over. FML
Today, I saw a beautiful girl at the bar. I attempted to be friendly and hit her up for a chat. She called me a “creep” and told me to get lost. A few moments later, another guy does the exact same thing I did and she smiled and kept flirting. FML
Today, the person I was seeing asked to be just friends. A few hours later, they tried to talk me into having sex. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied by telling me to fuck off. FML
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Top comments
rhysfucker 24
That's what he was hoping for.
mkstar13 13
He was probably a drunk asshole. That sucks OP
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Comments (76)
mkstar13 13
He was probably a drunk asshole. That sucks OP
Soviet_American 29
That's similar to when you're typing and someone's talking to you, and you start subconsciously typing what they say.
BassinBoy14 13
Yeah, I know what you please take out the trash! :p
deedeedeniel 17
I think we need a follow up OP XD
rhysfucker 24
That's what he was hoping for.
orbit 22
Maybe it was what she truly wanted to say
SpamPam 18
#25 Well based on the FML I would say it's not. But that's just a guess
cinskeep43 15
I'm sure he liked that answer lol #tonguetied
_FML_Austin_ 12
May the fml community show pitty on this poor "hashtagger"
cinskeep43 15
may the FML community show pity on your poor profile pic
Axipiter 24
A hashtagger AND a sassypants! Get 'im!
cinskeep43 15
there is nothing wrong with being a sassypants... however I have seen the error in my ways and retract my hashtag
TXFernwoods 26
Ha. I pity your eyebrows. @3
MrSassypants 34
21, what's wrong with being a sassypants? :(
nitrog100 21
I, for one, find your use of the 'pound' symbol appropriate.
BassinBoy14 13
#hashtagger #sassypants
SpamPam 18
I pity the fool
sashin112792 7
I think that profile pic is pretty awesome honestly. Now, 16, will you please **** away??
Axipiter 24
Sorry 32, I'm sure you're the exception. You aight.
sharkgirl4 23
Arguably a more effective response than you were trying to say.
Catkam623 27
Freudian slip? I think you were just in the mood for an adventure
gramirez23 9
Don't ride that ride
tony1891 22
oh bullocks!
_Heisenberg__ 15
did he take you up on your offer?
maximus_prime 24
She offered her honor, he honored her offer and all night long it was on-her and off-her.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Oh my. That is gold, 39.
Martinez0285 28
Close enough
aleahlioness 15
Two quite different replies..
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
exactly what i thought. I was wondering why no one had brought it up till I read yours. but ya one reply is polite and the other is...well not so much.
LittleBlackbird 20
He took 'being straightforward' a tiny bit too serious. What is wrong with people these days...
gramirez23 9
Women, who gets them? :p
113421145311564 14
can't tell of bad sex pun. Or who gets em