Today, I was texting this guy that I hooked up with yesterday. We were gonna do it again but he had basketball practice. I was talking to my friend about it, and sent her a text saying "Oh well. I have explosive diarrhea anyways." She wasn't replying, so I checked my sent box. I sent it to him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML
Today, this guy I was seeing dumped me for "bombarding" him with text messages. I'd sent him one text asking if he was okay, after he stood me up 2 nights in a row. FML
Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML
Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy, who decided to rudely text message his friend the whole time. When I got home, I realized he'd been texting the girl he was going to hookup with after our date; she happens to be my roommate. FML
Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML
Today, I was supposed to finally go out with my guy friend that I have liked for a long time. He told me he would text me, and after waiting for hours for the text, I finally got it. It said, "Guess what!? I just got laid!" He forgot our date, had it off, and I congratulated him. FML
Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML
Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
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Top comments
craze189 0
ydi for texting anyone that you have "explosive diarreah". FHL for having to read it.
spank_u_veryhard 0
maybe he has a shit fetish lmao response back from him: I'm skipping baseball practice. I'll be right over...
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Comments (60)
Merzick 0
if I got that text, I would have laughed.
flockz 20
and boom goes the dynamite
piwikiwi93 0
I am SO confused
PedoPancakes 7
The downside of texting
crlyab1997 4
And that's the point where you text again saying "omg sorry my friend stole my phone!!"
taylor_muse_fan 7
That's when you just reply lol jokes, but seriously
swaftmasterj627 12
"Sorry that was my annoying brother" maybe?
that90sgurl 17
The wrong person texting struggle, I feel your struggle
jstone89 13
LOL! Ohhh man.. That sucks!
worldclassrager 41
Do people not check who they send their texts to anymore? Well if they did we wouldn't have these to read...