Today, I was texting this guy that I hooked up with yesterday. We were gonna do it again but he had basketball practice. I was talking to my friend about it, and sent her a text saying "Oh well. I have explosive diarrhea anyways." She wasn't replying, so I checked my sent box. I sent it to him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML
Today, this guy I was seeing dumped me for "bombarding" him with text messages. I'd sent him one text asking if he was okay, after he stood me up 2 nights in a row. FML
Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML
Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy, who decided to rudely text message his friend the whole time. When I got home, I realized he'd been texting the girl he was going to hookup with after our date; she happens to be my roommate. FML
Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML
Today, I was supposed to finally go out with my guy friend that I have liked for a long time. He told me he would text me, and after waiting for hours for the text, I finally got it. It said, "Guess what!? I just got laid!" He forgot our date, had it off, and I congratulated him. FML
Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML
Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
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Top comments
craze189 0
ydi for texting anyone that you have "explosive diarreah". FHL for having to read it.
spank_u_veryhard 0
maybe he has a shit fetish lmao response back from him: I'm skipping baseball practice. I'll be right over...
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Comments (60)
fairies633 8
um...and u were sending this to your friend why ?
Hatemylife9891 0
lol I hate being a dick but quite literally you shouldnt have been talkin shit ROFL
MissOriginal 0
Why would u even send that to a friend????
pvilleallstar 0
you coulda said your dumbass friend randomly started txting people.
Leanerr 0
hahahahahah! that kinda made my day but your rotted. looks like he won't be textin your for a while.
rberry_fml 0
WTF who the hell tells their mate that? that's just plain embarrassing
elizanena9 0
smooth. i bet he just loved hearing that.
xbarbiextwinsx 0
ahah. i can relate. 'cept the text said, "you're waaay hotter than my boyfriend. trust me."
IndigoFuckYou 9
Way to sound like a ****.
bryttanicutter 2
lmao
Anemited 0
HAHAHAHAHA i bet his face looking like this ಠ_ಠ'