Today, my psychotic step-dad asked me if I'm doing drugs. I replied with a massive amount of sarcasm: "Yeah, all of 'em. Especially meth." He flipped out, searched my room top to bottom, then grounded me "for good" until I tell him where I hid the supposed drugs. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom and step-dad tore my room apart looking for the stash of drugs they thought I had. I've never touched drugs in my life, and I guess they believe me now. Didn't stop them from making me clean up the mess they made, though. FML
Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML
Today, my psycho mom walked in while I was chilling and having fun with some friends. She kicked them out and now wants to drug test me, because, "Nobody's that happy without drugs." FML
Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML
Today, my mother has taken her drug paranoia to a new level. She threw away an open but nearly full bag of dried mint because she's sure I emptied and refilled the bag with marijuana to hide it from her. She then tried to ground me in my own house in front of my wife and daughter. FML
Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML
Today, my dad heard that the guy who bullied me at school died recently of a drug overdose. For some reason, he thinks we were actually best friends, and thinks I'm doing drugs too. I'm now not allowed out of the house except to go to school. He won't listen to a word I say. FML
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, I was grounded by my dad for "popping pills like a gangbanger". I take prescription ADHD medicine and a multi-vitamin. FML
Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML
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Top comments
Hunthas 17
If ever there was a time to whip up some Breaking Bad blue meth this is it :D Best of luck... Bitch!
mz135 12
Wow I'm sorry OP. My step dad is the same way. What works for me is just explaining to my mom what happened. She usually shuts him up
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Comments (58)
WCARlover 35
Maybe he's on drugs and is "grounding you" so he can find them and have them all to himself
SuperWhoMarvLock 22
Yikes. Maybe talk to your mom or explain to your step-dad what happened....? :/ Or just let things calm down overtime. Good luck!
False_Stupidity 42
Once you start down the sarcasm path, forever will it dominate your destiny. In other words, you need to lay it on a bit more and sarcastically tell him that you keep your stash in the clothes dryer, then when that works keep coming up with new locations and watch your step dad tear the place apart until he finally gets the sarcasm.
Squishant 10
You want to get OP killed, the man's psychotic he said, I blv going down that path is bad idea
ViviMage 40
Ask for a urine drug test. That'll show him!
smokecloud_ 37
Pfft.. those are so easy to pass. Do the hair follicle to prove your innocence, OP!
allieallie18 7
some people just such at realizing sarcasm. just tell your mom you were only kidding
ethan_unoxx 29
shouldn't have said yes
sarcasticone 8
If you are young enough to still live at home, being a sarcastic prick isn't a good idea. You did it to yourself. Take a deep breath, quit complaining and grow up.
OhFuck_WHYME 8
.... youre telling someone not be sarcastic, yet your username is "sarcasticone"?
leeloo900 9
They probably live on their own unlike Op
Axel5238 29
I agree if they know the step dad has a way reacting badly why would sarcastically joking about doing drugs be a good idea.
orphanclubber 8
Guess you better call saul OP
alicealiveordead 13
drop the sarcasm and get real: "you're not even my real dad; if you want to get high just say so" unless you're under 12 there is no reason for him to "parent" you... I know other people will disagree.. but this sucks for OP and i don't think it would have been as upsetting or invasive if it was OP's mom.. And then again.. Just not cool, everyone just stay out of each others rooms.
clubbing4life 14
Step parents can be really hard to understand
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Hell, REAL parents can be hard to understand.