Today, my psychotic step-dad asked me if I'm doing drugs. I replied with a massive amount of sarcasm: "Yeah, all of 'em. Especially meth." He flipped out, searched my room top to bottom, then grounded me "for good" until I tell him where I hid the supposed drugs. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom and step-dad tore my room apart looking for the stash of drugs they thought I had. I've never touched drugs in my life, and I guess they believe me now. Didn't stop them from making me clean up the mess they made, though. FML
Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML
Today, my psycho mom walked in while I was chilling and having fun with some friends. She kicked them out and now wants to drug test me, because, "Nobody's that happy without drugs." FML
Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML
Today, my mother has taken her drug paranoia to a new level. She threw away an open but nearly full bag of dried mint because she's sure I emptied and refilled the bag with marijuana to hide it from her. She then tried to ground me in my own house in front of my wife and daughter. FML
Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML
Today, my dad heard that the guy who bullied me at school died recently of a drug overdose. For some reason, he thinks we were actually best friends, and thinks I'm doing drugs too. I'm now not allowed out of the house except to go to school. He won't listen to a word I say. FML
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, I was grounded by my dad for "popping pills like a gangbanger". I take prescription ADHD medicine and a multi-vitamin. FML
Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML
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Top comments
Hunthas 17
If ever there was a time to whip up some Breaking Bad blue meth this is it :D Best of luck... Bitch!
mz135 12
Wow I'm sorry OP. My step dad is the same way. What works for me is just explaining to my mom what happened. She usually shuts him up
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Comments (58)
Hunthas 17
If ever there was a time to whip up some Breaking Bad blue meth this is it :D Best of luck... Bitch!
1dvs_bstd 41
maybe OP forgot to inflect. And I concur.. hit me up OP, if you need a posse. I wanna be Gus.
dipshitpoopyhead 7
I'd be guss up until the part where he gets half his face blown off
incoherentrmblr 22
If you say you hid them in your ass, will he give you a cavity search?...
brivielle 15
Tell him you hid it in his room and laugh your ass out while he tears his room down
thehouseisonfire 8
All this time I was think if Augustus from the fault in our stars
mz135 12
Wow I'm sorry OP. My step dad is the same way. What works for me is just explaining to my mom what happened. She usually shuts him up
isisorchid 16
Haha I use my mom as a buffer too. Moms ftw!
mha8649 8
Your mom sounds like a ****. Parenting should be a united thing. That's probably why your step dad hates you.
King_Nero 15
Your step dad sounds like a real idiot.
Nilorak 24
What does a fake idiot sound like? :)
Welshite 40
A lot like me. But it's fake only about 5% of the time. The rest is genuine.
ErinRosado 14
Why is Welshite being thumbed down?
Rallred32 20
Maybe people didn't like his joke. Maybe the first couple of people to look at comments have different opinions than the ones later. Ex: I've seen a comment have -30 likes then look at it the next day and see he/she has 60 likes.
parksejun 11
He's like a 6 year old.. Doesn't understand sarcasm
nchic01 17
sarcasm is a beautiful thing, but not for idiots
Senseless_487 29
Judging by his reaction, maybe he wasn't so much concerned as he was looking for a fix, himself.
LittleBells 17
He was most likely just finding a way to piss you off or yell at you. I found that's what a lot of step-parents do.
sunnyray812 42
If he's psychotic, I would think any amount of sarcasm isn't a good idea. :/ FYL, though. I hope he can believe you soon.
LexiDaBae 17
I don't think his father is actually psychotic. He's referring to the way he acts as psychotic.
isisorchid 16
I think OP meant psychotic as irrationally angry.
audreyfml1994 15
If you already know how temperamental he is, I can't imagine how using a great deal of sarcasm would've been a good idea. I know it's hard to deal with people like that without lashing out every once in a while, but the best thing that you can do is to just stick it out as best as you can until you're old enough to move out.
brandoneyez1 25
Clearly didn't catch the sarcasm.
weveallbeenthere 30
that is my sons standard answer.
Garrett2818 21
He definitely just wants your meth