Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML
Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML
Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear fit, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just as a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML
Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML
Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I babysit. We had a quick chat, and I noticed she had just blown her driveway clean. As I left, I said "You did a nice blow job!" FML
Today, to amuse my girlfriend, I put on her sexy nightshirt and went out on the balcony for a smoke, all while shaking my booty about in front of her window. She laughed, until one of her neighbors shouted, "HELLO!" from the upper floor, grinning at the show. FML
Today, I was feeling motivated to improve my unhealthy miserable life and went for a jog. Halfway through, I tripped on my own shoelace and scared a couple walking their dog. According to my wife, it's already been gossiped about in our neighborhood. FML
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Top comments
FlightNav 0
Wearing that shirt in public is just *asking* for a FML to happen. That's a total "you deserve that one", dude. Nice.
amirn86 0
Oh man... that's why I could never get myself to actually wear shirts like that, out of fear for situations like that happening to me
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Comments (77)
fingersforteeth 0
you have good friends :)
kookysoc 11
Your so attractive! ;)
asterificious 0
suck it up, if her parents can't put up with a silly joke T-shirt they won't put up with most of the things too and you'll end up with a miserable marriage anyway
xx_hayleyy 0
#11. you must be retarted.
blacklagoon_fml 0
Hah if my daughter's boyfriend had a shirt like that I would most certainly not approve of him! Though I guess if you were really as rude as that shirt you wouldn't have stopped to talk. Still, YDI.
superson_fml 0
I like you for having that shirt.
greatnt249 0
#33, it kind of diminishes the impact of the insult when you misspell "retarded."
commonsense31 0
I like how its always someones birthday for most of the fmls and its always at the end coincidence?
Meta_fml 0
So, uh, don't wear misogynistic T-shirts?
nat66623 0
Did you not remember putting it on?
pitts_the_shit 0
Hahahaha, number 15, are you so arrogant as to think YOU'RE the only one who knows what misogynistic means? LOLOL LOOK IT UP IM SMRT YUR DUM