Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML
Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML
Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear fit, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just as a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML
Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML
Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I babysit. We had a quick chat, and I noticed she had just blown her driveway clean. As I left, I said "You did a nice blow job!" FML
Today, to amuse my girlfriend, I put on her sexy nightshirt and went out on the balcony for a smoke, all while shaking my booty about in front of her window. She laughed, until one of her neighbors shouted, "HELLO!" from the upper floor, grinning at the show. FML
Today, I was feeling motivated to improve my unhealthy miserable life and went for a jog. Halfway through, I tripped on my own shoelace and scared a couple walking their dog. According to my wife, it's already been gossiped about in our neighborhood. FML
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Top comments
FlightNav 0
Wearing that shirt in public is just *asking* for a FML to happen. That's a total "you deserve that one", dude. Nice.
amirn86 0
Oh man... that's why I could never get myself to actually wear shirts like that, out of fear for situations like that happening to me
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Comments (77)
annis_fml 0
That's why you don't actually wear those types of shirt OUT. You never know who you'll run into. Wear it inside the house.
shorgenfunkel 0
#19: Even if one doesn't hear "misogynistic" commonly, it's easy enough to derive the meaning from roots ("mis-", "gyn-") and context. OP: "I agree, your life is ******." You didn't know that you'd see your girlfriend's parents during the jog, so this little "blunder" is understandable. However, that shirt just isn't really that funny, it's just meh.
greatnt249 0
#19, I'm assuming that if you really didn't know the meaning of a word, you could look it up in about 5 seconds on dictionary.com. After all, if you're reading FMLs, you're obviously on the Internet already. You're about the only person I know who gets offended that someone gave them the benefit of the doubt for being smart. My point is exactly how #20 stated it; give people the benefit of the doubt instead of patronizing them.
trimclay 0
who goes for a jog in a shirt like that?
kellster 2
Who actually wears a stupid shirt like that?? You asked for that one!
ohdamn_fml 2
Hahaha I love shirts like that
route95 0
youre an asshole just for wearing that shirt in public.
locasocha 0
why would you ever wear a shirt like that in public? first graders can read too, you know
soonerfan 0
damn man that sucks. Though the first time I met my gf's parents I was wearing a shirt that said Beware of My Weiner... it had a weiner dog on it though, and no one can get mad with a dog on a shirt. Hope you didn't lose her over it
paperplanes92 0
and then u found 100 dollars..