Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML
Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML
Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear fit, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just as a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML
Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML
Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I babysit. We had a quick chat, and I noticed she had just blown her driveway clean. As I left, I said "You did a nice blow job!" FML
Today, to amuse my girlfriend, I put on her sexy nightshirt and went out on the balcony for a smoke, all while shaking my booty about in front of her window. She laughed, until one of her neighbors shouted, "HELLO!" from the upper floor, grinning at the show. FML
Today, I was feeling motivated to improve my unhealthy miserable life and went for a jog. Halfway through, I tripped on my own shoelace and scared a couple walking their dog. According to my wife, it's already been gossiped about in our neighborhood. FML
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Top comments
FlightNav 0
Wearing that shirt in public is just *asking* for a FML to happen. That's a total "you deserve that one", dude. Nice.
amirn86 0
Oh man... that's why I could never get myself to actually wear shirts like that, out of fear for situations like that happening to me
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Comments (77)
W33nie 0
Why would you wear a shirt once a year
kwbuzz23wk 0
you are a complete idiot... but on a side note her parents were outta the house, you should have ran to her house and just pointed at the shirt!
wrestler_fml 0
Dude I want that shirt
YouRF____d 0
i agree with # 12... simply ingenious.
freddie_fml 0
And did we learn a nice little lesson about wearing a misogynistic (look it up) T-shirt like that in public? Even if it was a joke. I hope her parents hold it against you forever.
NurseHolly 3
That was only mildly condescending...
teentee401 37
You aren't special for knowing that word. It's pretty commonly known. Stop trying to be a smart ass when you aren't one.
greatnt249 0
"And did we learn a nice little lesson about wearing a misogynistic (look it up) T-shirt like that in public?" No, but I learned that #15 has absolutely no sense of humor and is a complete douche for assuming people are too dumb to know the meaning of a commonly-used word. To the OP, just thinking how that convo went down makes me laugh; thank you.
jfool 0
#15 doesn't need to be so supercilious (look it up), does (s)he? Haha this sucks. I wouldn't wear something like that personally for this very reason but I do hope her parents can laugh it off.
greatnt249 0
If the parents ever bring it up, tell them your girlfriend bought the shirt for you for your birthday.
your_face 15
#16 - pot calling the kettle black - just because you hear/use misogynistic a lot, doesn't mean that everyone does. People reading the comments who don't know that word are likely to comment asking what it means, or complaining that #15 sounds pretentious. The solution to this problem is simply telling people to look it up themselves - seems obvious, but should prevent useless comments later asking what the heck that word is.
partyyy08 0
I agree with #16 on both points. #15- Stop patronizing a bunch of strangers on the internet. Let's give people the benefit of the doubt rather than making yourself sound like a pompous asshole by assuming people don't know the meaning of a word. Anyone who really didn't know its meaning would have just looked it up; it wasn't necessary for you to suggest we do so. OP- haha that sucks but hopefully they can laugh it off and not judge you for it