Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I babysit. We had a quick chat, and I noticed she had just blown her driveway clean. As I left, I said "You did a nice blow job!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work at a beauty salon, I was explaining to a mom and her daughter about how we were going to style their hair, and the processes involved. I tripped over my words, saying, "We’ll start with a wash and a blowjob." Pretty sure from the way they stomped out I might not have a job tomorrow. FML
Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML
Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML
Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML
Today, I was out walking my dog. A cute woman said, "Nice dog!" Without thinking, I replied, "You too!" FML
Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, I was walking through the main lobby at school and I saw someone waving at me, so I waved back. Turns out she was just cleaning a glass door. I heard laughter behind me. FML
Today, I was leaving the car wash when I saw my friend walking on the sidewalk. I pulled over next to her and asked if she wanted a ride. Only after getting a face full of the soda she was drinking did I realize I was talking to a complete stranger. FML
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Top comments
dani22097 0
then she winked at you
surferchick96 0
Sir, please, i dont like to talk about my oral gifts in front of the children.
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Comments (54)
jleep 0
first!
sophie2212_fml 0
wow... awkward much
dani22097 0
then she winked at you
FYLorYDIohno 12
Dirty minds think alike ;)
RedPillSucks 33
Clean that shit up with some orbits.
jcfrisco 13
3 ^Win xD
CJFeagins 0
Need a moment, chew it over with a twix.
Falcon_My_Life 0
That must have blowed!
x_Cupcakes 0
That's hilarious!
BloodyHeel 8
Perve.
surferchick96 0
Sir, please, i dont like to talk about my oral gifts in front of the children.
BoredomKillsinc 0
lmao XD
JeterFan428 0
sir, this fml was posted by a woman.
breakofdawn1 0
are you stupid .... wait wait wait don't answer let me guess you pretty fuming stupid if you ask me
orgin1 0
so you know, I meant to give your comment a thumbs up, but accidentally pressed the wrong button sorry
ScaryGirl 4
I think you mean woman* Grammar Nazi FTW :P But that's hilarious!
gusgus36 5
7, that's one of my pet peeves too... women? really? no. woman!
FMLGrammarNazi 0
Woman is associated with one; Just like how a woman usually only has one man. And, how women share several men. Hope this helps. -FMLGrammarNazi.
bernard919lewis 0
If you're talking about the post, it clearly said woman. If not then sorry to bother you.
Vintage_Cola 29
I think you're an idiot.
Doortje 30
Freudian slip :D
FYLDeep 26
Jealous much?
rbserrano 0
niceee
Gazarok 0
explain to her you're an idiot and say you meant the snow. she will understand. there, your life isnt ****** anymore