Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML
Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML
Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear fit, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just as a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML
Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML
Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I babysit. We had a quick chat, and I noticed she had just blown her driveway clean. As I left, I said "You did a nice blow job!" FML
Today, to amuse my girlfriend, I put on her sexy nightshirt and went out on the balcony for a smoke, all while shaking my booty about in front of her window. She laughed, until one of her neighbors shouted, "HELLO!" from the upper floor, grinning at the show. FML
Today, I was feeling motivated to improve my unhealthy miserable life and went for a jog. Halfway through, I tripped on my own shoelace and scared a couple walking their dog. According to my wife, it's already been gossiped about in our neighborhood. FML
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Top comments
FlightNav 0
Wearing that shirt in public is just *asking* for a FML to happen. That's a total "you deserve that one", dude. Nice.
amirn86 0
Oh man... that's why I could never get myself to actually wear shirts like that, out of fear for situations like that happening to me
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Comments (77)
pitts_the_shit 0
And yes, number 34. A joke shirt that a kid was JOGGING in, meaning he never wears it normally, dictates his persona. Please. Like you said, the fact that he stopped to talk should give you a good enough view of his persona, degrading attire be damned. :P
FXCKMYLIFE 0
What I don't understand is, wether you met up with her parents or not, the whole rest of the neighborhood would have seen it, which is rude in and of itself
sarah8909 0
I think it's funny! It's just a joke t-shirt slogan I'm sure they won't jdge you on it (although a worrying number of people on here seem to have)...plus, if they had a problem with it you would have known from how they were talking to you. And newsflash people, just because the t-shirt says it's his birthday, doesn't mean he only wears it on his birthday...geez
audiogasmic 0
HHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA. That sucks. Pick a less...parentally-offensive shirt? next time. :P
Yuuhi 0
Lol so many people here say 'don't wear t-shirts like that in public" i ask why? Maybe the parents actually have a sense of humour :) Don't worry man!! :)
Zic_fml 7
That's a nice shirt. And her mother does it too.
cj_gurl 0
Sorry to say this, but by wearing that shirt OUT IN PUBLIC and then running through a populated area, you set yourself up for it. Aren't you glad they didn't have young children with them that were going to ask them all about it later?
idoloveitbaby 0
ha ha, if you would have noticed before you actually stopped to talk, you should have just ran up, said your birthdate outloud to the parents, and ran off. give em something to think about. they would then know what day their daughter is giving you a ********.
eschreib 0
hahahahahahah i am crying laughing so hard
gross__ 0
Why would you even wear that shirt out...especially running where 100's of people are bound to see you?