Today, a man on the train asked me if I had any change. I quickly responded with, "No habla ingles." He then tapped me on the shoulder and said, "That would've been a lot more believable if you weren't reading that paper." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sitting on the train when some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed, "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML
Today, I was quietly reading in the subway, when all of a sudden, at a station, the man sitting next to me stood up, slapped me, yelled "Bitch!", and rushed off the train. FML
Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML
Today, while riding the subway a homeless man got on asking for money. I went to give him a dollar but he refused because I was "of the Asian persuasion." FML
Today, a gorgeous woman on a train told her friend she thought I was hot in Spanish, assuming I was a dumb gringo tourist. In fact, I speak Spanish fluently, my wife is Colombian, and she was standing right next to me. My wife can’t rationalize my street value, and made me sleep on the fold out. FML
Today, I was chatting to a cashier I see quite a lot, trying to be as charming and as unsmarmy as possible. When she asked if I wanted the receipt, I panicked and said, "No thanks, I don’t believe in paper." She looked at me like I was an alien. FML
Today, I was at the airport trying to help a man get to the right terminal. When he finished he turned to tell me "Don't worry, your English is pretty good, considering you're not American". English is my only language. FML
Today, I was riding the subway, reading a book, when a woman suddenly shoved a flyer over my book. Aghast by her rude gesture, I declined to take the paper. I looked over and noticed it was a flyer for a missing girl. FML
Today, a man slapped me in the face with his newspaper because I didn't get out of his way fast enough at the train station. I guess he didn't notice I was on crutches. FML
Today, I was at a mall. A woman stopped by me, said slowly and loudly, in Spanish "baño?" Knowing a bit of Spanish, I nodded and pointed the restrooms out for her. She then mutters about "dang Mexicans and their inability to speak English". I'm not even Latina. I'm Irish-American. FML
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Top comments
wesayxsummer 0
it would also be more believable if you used correct grammar.
cady18 0
would've also been more believable if you spoke correct spanish.
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Comments (199)
vt_mruhlin 0
No reason for this to be an FML. "Oh no, I offended a bum." If he's so clever, maybe he should get a job.
Dylan94_fml 8
you're an asshole
Anyoniemous 0
OP just said a man, it could have been a homeless man but it's just as likely it was a regular man.
vietiscool 2
just say "no, sorry"
RoldGold38 0
hahaha this is really funny.. but it is no hablo ingles aaha. i mean i don't know why everyone's freaking out.. since when is there a law that this person should have to give change to strangers? i respect this person for coming up with a clever way to keep their money, and it's funny because now the ****** that was trying to mooch will realize that people don't want to give them change and they'll get a job
bradley5055 0
@12 haha true stupid should get a job i like to just act crazy and scream rape n run away
NorfolkDude 2
I usually say Nah, I gave you some last week dude. Go bug someone else.
loveleafs16 0
not to mention its actually " no hablo ingles" .... idiot.
Dylan94_fml 8
not to mention that's been said like 10 times already... idiot
poolofblood 0
hahaha tell em Dylan
AlienMind 0
Just say "I could help you...But I won't".
sanctuary_fml 0
HAHAHA, wow...
kyukey 0
You're life is f***ed because you are just that stupid. Honestly, it would've been better if you said no, rather than come off as a douche and possibly offend those around you. You totally deserved to be owned by a 'bum'.
zandar 0
Let me guess. stockbroker?