Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try role play. She suggested I be a robber, so I went outside and tried to break in my window, wearing nothing but my underwear and a ski mask on. She decided it would be funny to call the cops, because it would, "add to the mood." They came. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with some kinky role play. I chose a sexy naughty nun's outfit, complete with head cover, thigh-high stockings and crotchless panties. I guess my outfit was a little too convincing, because he couldn’t get it up. Thanks Catholic guilt. FML
Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML
Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML
Today, I was trying to be dirty with my fiancé. He got really into the roleplaying and wouldn't stop pretending to be a cop for hours. Mood officially killed. FML
Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML
Today, while trying to spice up our marriage, we decided to get a hotel room and roleplay as strangers who meet in a bar and have a one night stand. By the time I got there, he was engrossed in the football and on the beer. He didn't notice me arrive and when he did, he was too drunk to get the roleplay right. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML
Today, for my boyfriend's 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit, and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML
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Top comments
flockz 20
i think if you would have just come out and started speaking ****, you wouldn't be having this problem.
TrueTriage 16
Honestly I would've done the same thing as your boyfriend. It just sounds a little overboard good try though!
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Comments (180)
harkerk87 3
If he was smart e would be doing you while doing the laundry!!
Iniezian 18
Я Наталья, русский шпион свободно говорит на 2 языках, русском и ваш петух
pulsar_ 13
I'm not sure whether the slang for ''****'' translates literally here
Iniezian 18
Yeah, I know, I speak Russian, but only partially know Cyrillic, and I had to rely on a probably crappy translation engine because I don't have Unicode and am too lazy to learn it.
wildsweetchild 19
You can't translate word for word from English to Russian because of different grammar rules, plus English slang doesn't mean the same in Russian, and since "language" in Russian translates as "tongue" the true translation sounds a bit more kinky than original. ;)
fcryingoutloud 9
It gets worse. "****"/петух in Russian is the equivalent of "bitch" in the prison sense (bottom of the pecking order, sexually abusable, often a child molester or informer).
wildsweetchild 19
84 is right. If in Russia you call somebody a "петух" you might get your ass kicked really bad. That's what I meant by saying that slang can mean something entirely different in other language.
aj94w 4
Faking a Russian accent isn't that sexy, but it's good to let your boyfriend know you're good with the kielbasa.
Iniezian 18
Kolbasa. That's how it's pronounced in Russian (at least in my family). Kielbasa is Polish.
aj94w 4
Sorry, my family is Ukrainian. I can speak some, but not spell it. We pronounce it "koobasa," as a side note.
Driveshaft 5
Silly Russian...**** isn't a language! You went to the wrong school.
RosenT1990 9
You should have made him do his own laundry.
goose12321 11
Hahaha cute. You still should've been rewarded for your efforts though. Don't be too discouraged.
InorganicReece 6
Maybe he would have been more excited if you came out as Black Widow lol
aly_goes_rawr 3
Wouldn't it be 3 languages since you said it in English.....?
skulltorn 8
You're lucky he only laughed! I would have gotten you shipped to Guantanamo Bay for treason or detain you myself and make you defect!!!!
mosquito19 14
try a different role such as overweight American lunch lady