Today, desperate after a very painful breakup, I poured my heart and soul out to my old teddy bear. When I finished, I asked what he would do in my situation. Right on cue, a gust of wind came through the window and sent him falling off the windowsill and crashing head-first onto the floor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke to find my boyfriend of 2 years gone. I saw my little sister's talking bear at the bottom of my bed, it said "squeeze me" so I squeezed it and it said "it's over." It was my boyfriends voice. I was dumped by a talking bear. FML
Today, feeling down and dejected because of the shitty weather and none of my friends or family wanting to spend time with me to feel loved I took my favorite stuffed animal and that says 'I love you' when you squeeze it. I squeezed it. Nothing happened. Even an inanimate object rejected me. FML
Today, I had a nervous breakdown. My life has been going down the drain and I called my boyfriend for comfort. I was crying my eyes out, finally getting everything off of my chest that has been bothering me. I thought it was quiet because he was listening closely. I was wrong. He fell asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend bought me a voice personalized Build-a-Bear. I thought he was going to propose to me through it, only to press the foot of the bear and hear, "We should break up" instead. FML
Today, in an attempt to be romantic, my boyfriend threw little stones against my window. Unfortunately, the window wasn't closed, and I was standing in front of it. FML
Today, I went out shopping. When I left the store, I saw my ex, who I'm still crazy about. He helped me carry my bags out to the car. When I leaned in to give him a hug goodbye, he stepped aside, and I fell face-first into a puddle. He walked away laughing. FML
Today, I had a mental breakdown. Many things have been going completely wrong in my life, and I finally decided to let my boyfriend know about it. After about an hour of explaining and pouring my heart out, his response was, "I think we were better off as friends." FML
Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML
Today, I was going through a hard and painful break up after a long relationship. Trying to get over it, I invited my two best friends over to lift my spirits. The night ended with them making out on my bed as I sat alone in the other room. FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Devastated, he withered onto the floor into an inconsolable wreck in front of dozens of people. The ribbon of embarrassment that went down my spine was too much for me to handle, so I had to tell him I was "only joking." FML
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Top comments
plopyer10 8
You shoulve ****** the wind up
tigerbabe15 0
Aww poor teddy bear did he get hurt?
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Comments (265)
mehwhocares 9
Lulz. Maybe you should take his advice and fall off the windowsill, too. Of course, you probably don't have as much stuffing to break the fall with... not that it's a very far fall anyway, right? A few feet at most.
Petunia888 13
That was the first FML post that I've read in a long time that has actually succeeded in making me laugh out loud. I guess you learned your lesson about conversing with inanimate objects, huh? Who am I kidding; we all do it, just not with stuffed animals.
MD_DILF 4
dirty dirty girl!
Hyman_Hunter 0
Could I have thought "possible Facebook status" any faster? Nope
DennisC1975 4
Lame
Lenho 26
♫ Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out ♫ ♫ That that doesn't kill me, only makes me stronger ♫ You'll see everything will get better, OP :)
Logan1524 0
sorry :( it will get better
Razor123 3
Final destination much?
alissa222 15
Osmosis potential.
RoseCrystal 17
@53 I didn't even read the other comments when I wrote it so technically I wasn't copying.
bizarre_ftw 22
You couldn't have replied that to your comment? I'm on the app here, if I wasn't such an insomniac I wouldn't have read this (and yeah, I forgot to look at the time on yours, sorry?)
Privations_fml 3
I'm sorry, I hope you feel better with time. Just keep in mind that there are so many guys out there, and you're bound to find a better one ;)