Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the three books. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML
Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML
Today, I found out why my 20 year-old girlfriend broke up with me. She was building everything she did to match her favorite TV show. The main character left her boyfriend in the exact way she left me. And the breakup email she sent me contained monologue from the TV show, word for word. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, because I was apparently "too good" for her. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up me with for being the "perfect boyfriend". Apparently I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had, and she didn't know how to take it. So she dumped me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I finished the Game of Thrones books before he could finish the TV show. FML
Today, and since we met, my girlfriend has forced me to change my hair, clothing and jewellery, and my diet. She has changed basically everything about me. Then this morning she dumped me because I'm "not the guy she fell in love with a year ago". I'm not even upset because its too funny. FML
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Top comments
Slawter16 24
Just remember that 50 Shades of Grey is originally a Twilight fanfiction. You're probably better off without her.
Enslaved 38
Well, tell her you're even since she's not able to please you like Sasha Grey. :P
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Comments (148)
FrankHotpants 31
Well tell her she could never excite you enough like the women on Maxim, and give her a few issues of it.
simoncat 11
EXgirlfriend.
incoherentrmblr 22
Someone either needs to **** themselves or **** the life out of someone. However, you don't need that bitch. Send her a text of you burning the books.
The_Paladin 16
you are better off without her.
splitintwo 6
Ugh. Bullet dodged bro.
pazuzus_intern 10
Your ex is not only delusional but an idiot for expecting you to imitate a poorly designed and asshole of a character. Seriously, you could shit better smut to read than that.
warriorartemis 11
Never read the books but just from having common sense I can tell you she will be sorely disappointed if she is expecting anything from FICTION to actually be true lol.
KingreX32 21
your girl is ******* dumb.
Ethrockerdude 6
Sounds like someone needs to get a grip
kernelkat 16
I've read the book. Your hopefully ex girlfriend wants an abusive relationship. Run, do not walk, away.