Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the three books. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML
Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML
Today, I found out why my 20 year-old girlfriend broke up with me. She was building everything she did to match her favorite TV show. The main character left her boyfriend in the exact way she left me. And the breakup email she sent me contained monologue from the TV show, word for word. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, because I was apparently "too good" for her. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up me with for being the "perfect boyfriend". Apparently I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had, and she didn't know how to take it. So she dumped me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I finished the Game of Thrones books before he could finish the TV show. FML
Today, and since we met, my girlfriend has forced me to change my hair, clothing and jewellery, and my diet. She has changed basically everything about me. Then this morning she dumped me because I'm "not the guy she fell in love with a year ago". I'm not even upset because its too funny. FML
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Top comments
Slawter16 24
Just remember that 50 Shades of Grey is originally a Twilight fanfiction. You're probably better off without her.
Enslaved 38
Well, tell her you're even since she's not able to please you like Sasha Grey. :P
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Comments (148)
jrock9093 18
It sounds like you won this one, she sounds delusional and an idiot
chocolatefrog28 29
That may be one of the most messed up reasons I've ever heard to leave someone. OP, you're better off without her and her love of abominably written fiction. While you're out looking for your next love interest, hit the bookstore and avoid anything that spends too much time in the Harlequin section as well.
fakedsincerity 32
there's plenty of abusive men out there for her. you're well rid.
TheDrifter 24
So she likes abusive relationships and kinky sex? Send her by my trailer park, I'm sure someone here would be glad to find her kind of crazy.
Jellobomb 5
It's sad how those books are the #1 topsellers now, I guess that just goes to show you what kind of sick world we live in
tayrex77 3
maybe the books made her realize that she's into being dominated, and you are too pussy of a man to love her roughly? you can still tenderly love someone while you **** them into the matress.
Poetaster 10
Send her a thank you note... She did you a huge favor by leaving!!
the_real_dvd 21
Send her some **** DVD's and tell her she needs to learn to please you like the girls in them. Same difference.
Omniprism 15
Sounds like your better off.
DevilsMetsGiants 30
Good riddance if you asked me