Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the three books. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML
Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML
Today, I found out why my 20 year-old girlfriend broke up with me. She was building everything she did to match her favorite TV show. The main character left her boyfriend in the exact way she left me. And the breakup email she sent me contained monologue from the TV show, word for word. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, because I was apparently "too good" for her. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up me with for being the "perfect boyfriend". Apparently I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had, and she didn't know how to take it. So she dumped me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I finished the Game of Thrones books before he could finish the TV show. FML
Today, and since we met, my girlfriend has forced me to change my hair, clothing and jewellery, and my diet. She has changed basically everything about me. Then this morning she dumped me because I'm "not the guy she fell in love with a year ago". I'm not even upset because its too funny. FML
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Top comments
Slawter16 24
Just remember that 50 Shades of Grey is originally a Twilight fanfiction. You're probably better off without her.
Enslaved 38
Well, tell her you're even since she's not able to please you like Sasha Grey. :P
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Comments (148)
tehdarkness 21
You are better off my friend.
NikkiAmber09 12
Someone needs to burn all of those books. They're utter shit with horrid sentence structure and grammatical errors.
CloudBustah 20
I've seen my teacher read 50 Shades Of Grey once. She held it up for another teacher to see while smiling.
UFIUETSimpdesign 5
Wtf?
Martnikk 15
well now you have something to burn or sell at a second hand book store. Sell it because you punish the authir this way they don't get roytiez from that
snazzily 2
shoyldve just handcuffed her to the bed and punched her.
dravvy 7
W-O-W...I don't know which guy had it worse. The one where she left him for Edward Cullen or this. MAYBE IT'S THE SAME STUPID GIRL! Either way you're better off without her. My girlfriend tried getting me to read them and I couldn't. I honestly don't see the hype in those books. I write better pornos than that. But to each their own and for girls ending relationships like THAT then may the stupid be with you.
lalaney 14
There is a slight possibility that you actually suck as a boyfriend and have not tried at all to meet her sexual or emotional needs. Sure, she has clung to a very weak image of what she wants, but had you been paying enough attention to her, this might not have happened. It certainly wouldn't have come as much of a surprise.
mktingchick7 2
Maybe you should learn new moves, either wise she wouldn't need a teen book to get off. Seems like the old ones aren't getting you nowhere.
Cecil_Baldwin 5
Considering Fifty Shades depicts an ABUSIVE relationship, that's definitely for the best. (Not to say that BDSM itself is abusive, just that Christian is a manipulative asshole.)