Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the three books. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML
Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML
Today, I found out why my 20 year-old girlfriend broke up with me. She was building everything she did to match her favorite TV show. The main character left her boyfriend in the exact way she left me. And the breakup email she sent me contained monologue from the TV show, word for word. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, because I was apparently "too good" for her. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up me with for being the "perfect boyfriend". Apparently I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had, and she didn't know how to take it. So she dumped me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I finished the Game of Thrones books before he could finish the TV show. FML
Today, and since we met, my girlfriend has forced me to change my hair, clothing and jewellery, and my diet. She has changed basically everything about me. Then this morning she dumped me because I'm "not the guy she fell in love with a year ago". I'm not even upset because its too funny. FML
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Top comments
Slawter16 24
Just remember that 50 Shades of Grey is originally a Twilight fanfiction. You're probably better off without her.
Enslaved 38
Well, tell her you're even since she's not able to please you like Sasha Grey. :P
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Comments (148)
xenmarkal51 6
Maybe you can get her back once you read those books.
Blazinthatshit 9
Why would he even want her back at all? She screamed and yelled at him like a demented bitch for not pleasing her like some fictional character from a retarded bool series...
bobak_can_ani 7
Did you at least try to get his point?
ocampo 6
give her a porno and tell her she can't please you the way the chick in the movie can
KayleighS14 8
Made my day seeing that.
xSkittle 16
Do not read those books, give you a fake view of sex just like **** does. And those books are just afwull.
MerrikBarbarian 9
Actually as far as techniques for using the tools, it's decently accurate... But for relationship advise? Hell no. 50 shades is an example of abuse not a bdsm relationship. Expecting sex to be identical to **** is stupid, but it can inspire ideas
xSkittle 16
I'm not talking about the techniques. The girl in the book would get an ****** just because he looks at her, that's not realistic just like girls in **** pretend to have an ****** all the time.
katties 27
Weeeell, there was this guy I knew that was ale to do that, actually, but it's an extremely rare thing and shouldn't be expected from anyone
thewife5 19
19...you don't experiment much? Fantasy is a powerful thing.
angelitared 27
Someone's a little loco!
Chasekb 1
Bitches be crazy my friend
olpally 33
You can do better than her. My god, how irrational can someone be? I heard it's not even that good of a **** book anyways. Lol.
shadwolf99 2
Be glad that freak is gone. You can do soo much better. You should have been the one to leave.
perdix 31
Great!!! Now you need to call the Literature Squad to come in dressed in hazmat suits to rid your house of toxic waste!
icandigthat 3
No offense man but your girl is trying to communicate her sexual needs to you. It may be in an immature way but not all women are comfortable expressing the specific sex acts they want to partake in. Read the book, get some ideas and then try them out. Be grateful that your girl is into some fun kinky stuff. The alternative is much worse.
xSkittle 16
Yea.. slapping your girlfriend everytime she rolls her eyes is really fun.
nyxiny 22
50 shades of grey are not accurate representations of healthy BDSM relationships. They encapsulate emotionally and physically abusive relationships that many people in the lifestyle try to actively avoid.
Ameel_fml 19
Or here's a better idea....go to an actual BDSM website to get tips on BDSM, instead of using a poorly-written fictional book about an abusive relationship to get sex tips.
middlenamefrank 8
Boy...if ever the phrase "better off without" applied, it's here!