Today, I had to close my eyes in shame and pretend I didn't exist, as my mom gave a cop a good look at her wrinkled, prune-like cleavage and tried to convince him that the speed limit is optional. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML
Today, my cleavage got me out of a speeding ticket. That is, until the officer looked up long enough to realize I'm a guy. FML
Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I started fixing my hair and unbuttoning a couple of buttons on my shirt, hoping the policeman would let me off with a warning. When he got to the car, he rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. I saw him walk back to the cop car gagging. FML
Today, I was riding in the backseat while my mom was driving. Noticing she was driving way over the speed limit, I opened a police siren app on my iPod to make her slow down. When she realized, she pulled over, kicked me out of the car and made me walk home. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming, "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML
Today, I pulled up to a red light. My ex was in the next car, and my car's windows are so tinted that you can't see through them, so I flipped him off. I was driving my mom's car. FML
Today, my mom told me to follow her car closely to my aunt's house. I kept really close to her which caused me to get pulled over for tailgating. I explained everything to the cop so he went over to my mom to see if that was the truth. My mom said she didn't know me. I got a ticket. Thanks mom. FML
Today, I got pulled over for speaking on my phone. I accepted the fine because I was too ashamed to tell the cute officer that I was actually trying to pop a huge pimple on my cheek. FML
Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
floup_fml 13
desperate times, desperate measures!
ARandomDickhead 8
Did it work??
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (55)
elizacandle 29
did it work?
ARandomDickhead 8
Late
ladycoco8 20
Should've showed your cleavage instead.
SkylineFTW97 25
You're gonna need heavy-duty brain bleach for this one. And now that the image is in my head, I'll need it too.
worldclassrager 41
How above was she?
Jryan952015 7
I know it was embarrassing for you. But you can't blame a girl for trying.
MidnaLink 35
Yeah, actually, you can. Especially when the Law and safety are involved.
Jryan952015 7
It's a speeding ticket!! This is just a money making tack for the city/state. Granted I don't know how fast she was going. City I would only go 5 mph over safely and highway 5-10 or keep with the flow
LostMy_Marbles 24
Speeding is still breaking the law regardless. If you do the wrong thing, you accept the fine and don't do it again. If you don't like being pulled over by the cops and getting in trouble, don't do the wrong thing.
PhotoSmith 25
what, is your mom like 70? Or are you like 12, thinking anyone over 40 is really ancient?
christinamarie17 29
She's just giving you some lasting memories together, OP. Because let's face it, good luck getting that one out of your mind.
sunny354wi 8
What next? Flashing the guy at a concession stand in the movies?
writerchic85 26
Nice that you talk about your mother like that
raym1900 3
doesn't hurt to try