Today, my bitch of a boss sent out a group text saying she'd had a chainsaw accident and lost the tips of 4 of her fingers and would be out indefinitely. When I told my boyfriend, his immediate response was to grab my phone and reply "I'm stumped, I don't know what to say." She hasn't responded yet. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had an emergency appendectomy, so I texted my boss to let him know about the situation. He replied that it'd be good for my continued employment prospects if I came into work tomorrow. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML
Today, my boss mistakenly drunk-texted me and was talking shit about me. FML
Today, I had a major falling out with my best friend. Angry, I sent a short text message to him explaining how I felt. I soon noticed I'd accidentally texted "I'm going to fucking kill you, asshole." to my boss instead. I'm still waiting on a reply. FML
Today, I had an argument with my boss and tried to text a friend about it. I accidentally texted my boss instead. FML
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's boss. She was wondering if he was okay, since he hasn't shown up to work for the past two weeks. Now I'm wondering where he's been going when he leaves the house each day. FML
Today, I collided heads at a soccer game and needed 13 stitches in my head. I texted all my contacts to let them know I was in the hospital. I got back one response that said "bitch got what you deserve" it was from my cousin. No one else ever texted me back. FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend on the way to the hospital to tell him I needed stitches, after my brother's dog bit me on the breast. His response? "Pics or it didn't happen." FML
Today, I had a seizure for the first time in months. My fiancé went over to my job to let them know I wouldn't be going in. My boss bitched both of us because I didn't call myself. Sure, I'll get right on that when I'm conscious. FML
Today, I got a heads-up that my boss suffered a death in the family, but was coming into work anyway. I thought he'd be depressed, but it seems he deals with grief with anger instead. I found that out when he yelled at me, threatening to rip my spine out my ass over a typo I made in a report. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
RichardPencil 32
You should volunteer to be an organ donor. Tell her you'd be happy to give her the finger.
fmyinternet 13
Ask her for some "tips" on how to explain the situation
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (60)
TenChubbyPandas 7
marry him.
GhanArch 6
Well, expect to get fired. And you should have a talk with your partner about them sticking to being bitchy to people through their own phone and not yours. Still, there's good money to be made selling your film treatment about your life as a methprozzy down the line. :)
heidnik 7
I guess they will be short handed there for a while
StarkWolf_fml 23
how she able to sent out a text with missing fingers?
empbob 20
She must have used her other hand, or she can type with just her thumbs...
niallo 23
Well, she did send out a group text. That's what the boyfriend replied to.
bobthenob 14
Usually people have more than 4 fingers.
ashpants 6
You can also have Siri text for you. Voice commands don't require fingers. Besides, who's to say she didn't have a friend/family member text her employees on her behalf?
Tumaco1963 19
Wondering if the OP will update saying that her boss decided to chop her job.
creditless 14
tell her u weren't being literal when u told her you'd be happy to lend her a helping hand at work
OhPuhleeze 23
Is your boyfriend 12? I don't think a grown person should be doing things like that; impulsive, insensitive, inappropriate...
chosha_fml 27
...could get you in serious trouble. He's an idiot. Why OP didn't immediately send a follow-up text saying 'that was a nearby idiot who didn't know the message was from my boss' (true or not), I do not know.
Brandi_Faith 34
I would be absolutely furious with the boyfriend if I were her! She could very well lose her job over that comment. Not to mention the poor woman just had a serious, pretty severe, accident happen and, whether op feels she's a bitch or not, doesn't deserve jokes at what is probably an extremely scary and emotional time. I had the tip of my finger cut off when I was 2, and they told my parents they were going to have to amputate down to the first knuckle (thankfully they were able to reattach and save the finger) but I know from experience that they can't always just reattach fingertips and this is going to be a long recovery process for her even if they can. I feel awful for her. Op should lecture the boyfriend on how he needs to think before he acts and how his actions may have serious consequences.
ER1C_fml 22
Lol at least now it's twice as hard for your boss to annoy you by texting (-.-)
species4872 20
Let us by all means compromise our own honesty and integrity and say, do nothing that will be seen as insensitive, offensive to someone else no matter how true it may be.
healthcarechick 9
That's hilarious