Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident. When my dad came to pick me up, instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when we went to the hospital, while I clutched my arm in pain. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML
Today, I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and my eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stopped, and I was thrilled because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stopped to order a cheeseburger. FML
Today, my father tripped over the dog and hit a wall. He was so convinced his arm was broken that we waited for 3 hours in emergency to find out he had a bruise. FML
Today, I went for a run when my shin splints acted up, so I called my dad to have him come pick me up. When I saw his car approaching, I stuck out my thumb like a hitchhiker, as a joke. The car pulled over to give me a ride. It wasn't my dad. FML
Today, I had whiplash after my dad and I were rear ended by a suburban. Despite the state trooper saying I should go, my dad delayed taking me to the ER because he wanted to pick up the dog from "doggy daycare" and take her for a nice long walk, while I waited for my mom to come home. FML
Today, my dad came to pick me up. It would have been nicer if he'd had his clothes on. FML
Today, I was hit by a car while riding my bike, so I called my dad for help. He blamed me for the accident, said he wasn't sure what I wanted him to do, and suggested I call my mom instead. She isn't picking up. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and played a practical joke on me; a practical joke that resulted in my knee being broken. Now, I'm sitting in a hospital bed all alone while my dad hunts for "hot nurses". FML
Today, as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance pull into my driveway with its sirens blaring. Thinking it could be for my sick father, I started frantically sprinting. I managed to trip on my pant-leg, twisting my ankle in the process. They were just turning around in my driveway. FML
Today, I was in a car accident with my dad. A wheel slammed into my door, dislocating my arm and breaking it in three places. Later on, the people who hit us came over and gave my little sister a gift basket. She wasn't even in the car. FML
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Top comments
pieisyourdrug 0
... Your dad is a dick.
Snazaza 0
thats exactly like my mom lol. i broke my thumb riding a bike and she spent 45 mins in front of the mirror doing her makeup because she refuses to leave the house without looking nice. :l
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Comments (140)
kaelendra 0
That's when I'd prolly call 911 while he's in the shower and go that way. Hehe, he'd prolly come down when they came for you and be like huh?
Rickem414 0
how bad could ur arm hurt from a scooter???
i_like_cheerios 0
Well he did end up taking you. My parents don't believe in doctors I guess because they only take me for routine check-ups and shots. There motto is basically put some ice on it and get over it.
girlnamedkris 0
I suspect that's not your only dad
XanimalloverX 0
She/he probably means a gas or electric scooter
XanimalloverX 0
Waterynuggets your mom is lucky to be alive if her appendics had burst there's a 50/50 chance of dying
crazybear16 0
haha, I would have cut him with the razor, that would have hurried his ass up.
hellomynamekeyes 0
Your ride a scooter? WTF. You should have driven there by yourself but FYL 'cause your dad's a dick.
egaonogenki 0
I'd tell him: "Oh, I didn't know you were lookin' for work at the HOSPITAL! You have a job interview there at the same time I need to be seen? Sheesh, what a BIG coincidence!"
jumperdreams 0
hahhahaha my grandma did that to my dad when he was in middle school.... a window had broken and he cut open his hand on the glass (which did require like 6 stitches) . she picked him up, made him go home put on a clean shirt, brush his hair, the whole nine yards so he would look nice and then go to the hospital.... lol