Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was cleaning my recently late uncle's house. I found an old framed photo of a boy aged about 3. He's naked and shyly smiling to the camera, holding a heart-shaped sign that reads, "My penis is small, but my love is BIG." I showed it to my mom and asked who it was. She just snorted and said, "You were his favorite!" FML
Today, my 72 year-old Grandmother informed me she's running for mayor. She's been going around town with homemade signs all day, campaigning to win mayor. She lives in my town. My friend called me to ask if she was high. FML
Today, my grandpa saw one of the paintings in the guest room at my house. "What the fuck?" he snorted, then said whoever painted it should "stick to their damn day job". I painted it. FML
Today, my dad and grandpa came to a charity event that I helped set up for people who have autism. I appreciated their support, until I heard my dad say "Man, some of these 'tards are pretty hot." and my grandpa replying "Yeah. Probably like dead fish in bed, though." FML
Today, my grandfather proudly informed me that the dump he'd just took looked like a tiger claw. He announced this during dinner, and told us not to flush it until he could take a picture. FML
Today, I read some funny scribblings on a wall in the bathroom stall. My first instinct was to "Like" it. FML
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
Today, I realised that American political BS is even in countries as far away as my own when I drove past a "Trump won" sign on my way home from work. FML
Today, my 92-year-old great-grandfather ran down the stairs in excitement, despite his severe arthritis. He told my great-grandmother that he was having the first erection in over 10 years, and grandma ordered me to leave so they could do it right there. FML
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Top comments
saIty 17
Dicks Sporting Goods: Buy our balls.
justsayfuck 5
That's pretty awesome.
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Comments (112)
Maximus_Axiom 7
welcome to my favorites! :)
NightTenshi 0
nice
cyanidesandwich 21
EPIC
tr3vst3r 5
So who was dick's opponent? Mr. Cuntley?
RomanBeauty 0
this isn't an fml story at all- it's just a fun story about your grandpa.
specter1234 0
be happy I'f u get a girl prego he should know what to do :p
HammerBro 5
Dick: He rises up to the challenge! Dick: There's no pulling out, not on his watch! Dick: Never stoops low!
Feralbyrd 1
Make copies of 'em and sell them. I want one.
rgcainmd 3
eBay goldmines!
2StepMyyo 5
Possibly the best FML ever... Lmao