Today, my grandfather proudly informed me that the dump he'd just took looked like a tiger claw. He announced this during dinner, and told us not to flush it until he could take a picture. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took a massive shit and flushed the toilet, but it apparently didn’t flush properly. My mom then entered the bathroom, took a picture of my shit, and showed it to everyone she knows. She doesn’t understand why I’m embarrassed, and thinks that I should instead "take pride" in my giant poop. FML
Today, while I was doing my hair, my grandpa walked in, dropped his pants, and started taking a crap in the toilet right next to me. FML
Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML
Today, my father-in-law shat himself in my bathroom and tried to flush some of the evidence down my sink. Sink that I'd just cleaned up. FML
Today, I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump. After coming home from work, I checked my Facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet, with the caption, "This is what Taco Bell does." FML
Today, I was summoned to the bathroom by my three-year-old, who still needs help cleaning up sometimes. When I walked in, he looked so happy and proud as he pointed to the trash can saying, "Look at my big poop!". Buying a new trash can tomorrow. FML
Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML
Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
commedia 16
Charlie Sheen in 20 years?
The_Creeper_fml 8
Can I have a copy of the picture?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (87)
hippyhater3000 4
first!!!!
Sybarite_fml 5
Sounds legit
iFizzgig 11
Almost as legit as the free candy van
Clozzie 0
How to finish the fml: We dont own a camera. FML
Frijolero_92 1
I once took a dump that resembled the Blue Öyster Cult cross :3
commedia 16
Charlie Sheen in 20 years?
iliketurdles 7
You really think he'll be alive in 20 years?
olpally 33
It sounds like he's already at the Charlie sheen part of his life right now... He's "winning" with a tiger claw dump...
idontknowyou123 0
I was wondering what would happen if you drink tigers blood...
FMLshark 12
One of the many side effects of tiger blood...
mikeofthunder 13
Charlie Sheen in twenty years? Try Charlie Sheen now
suncifir 6
This reminds me of the book Running With Scissors. Dr. Finch thinking his shit was a sign from god
Maddidaddi 0
Lmao. 31!
dobbyisfreeeeeee 10
Ten
xIBleedPurplex16 0
Ew...
JustDerpin 11
Well if it wasnt "Ew", I doubt OP wouldve posted this.
The_Creeper_fml 8
Can I have a copy of the picture?
teague95 16
ditto ^
ladyLALAA 29
Pics or it didn't happen!
staymintyfresh 13
That's disgusting
teague95 16
No shit? see what I just did there
Krirn 21
I see what you attempted.
teague95 16
Hey Jackie Chan chill
teague95 16
^we get it you recently bought a dictionary
zen1979 16
.
FMLshark 12
Someone just discovered how to use a thesaurus. Congratulations.
Maddidaddi 0
Not sure if I should agree with you, but I do.
FMLsAreAwesome 0
6- You don't say?
KeannaLove 32
Hey, he's just finding happiness in the little things in life. Albeit gross, but still.
perdix 31
Good thing it didn't look like a bear claw. To achieve such a perfect shape, he probably scored a Flawless Victory!
teague95 16
hey I ate a bear claw for breakfast! thought I'd share.
danielhartlesss 13
At least he didn't made you take a picture of it.
teague95 16
I know, gramps took all the fun
Krirn 21
Imagine flipping through the photo album one day just to find that picture along with all the baby pictures.
rattusrattus 19
"This is Johnny as a baby... this is Chloe... this is La-a Layby Scrabble... his parents were always a bit odd... and this is the Tiger Shit of Destiny! Do you want to know the legend of the Tiger Shit?"
Krirn 21
"3 Pounds, 12 Ounces. About a quarter of an hour of labor."