Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML
Today, I invited an acquaintance over for tea. When he came in, I told him to make himself at home. He took it literally and now half of my pantry is messed up, my boyfriend's chocolate supply is gone, and I'm pretty sure our couch is broken. Thanks. FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML
Today, my boyfriend invited me over for dinner for the first time. The place was full of his ex's stuff, books on the shelves, makeup in the bathroom, clothes in the closet and even shoes on the floor. Not to mention creepy plush toys staring at me. She left him 8 years ago. FML
Today, I returned from a week-long vacation. My landlord told me he had let my boyfriend in my apartment to get something. I don't have a boyfriend. Everything in my apartment is gone. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
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Top comments
flutter4 7
He just wanted extra love from you
lacespace 8
Boo it's a criminal master mind!
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Comments (149)
jaytee1994 9
Hey he is a smart cookie! I don't blame him!:)
TcheQ 12
YDI for being gullible and having a poor choice in men.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Clever yet not trustworthy. He's trying to gaslight you for physical affection.
Calingaladha 21
Is your boyfriend named Peeves?
Manicpandalove 4
I think it's cute he just wanted an excuss to spend time with yu c:
chippa 24
What's wrong with calling and asking? He's ******!
Twisted_Angel 17
Well, maybe he doesn't like living alone but doesn't want you to think he's clingy? It's kinda cute, but I'd be pissed off if my boyfriend scared me like that.
nin10doadict 9
That wasn't nice of him, but if I was you I would have thought it was him far before I turned to blaming ghosts.
ccoverup 5
It had never occured to you that he was that one doing it? Even i was able to guess that halfway through reading your post -.-
8IamChris8 4
I don't think OP is to blame for her stupidity. Her BF is. In order for his bright idea to work for weeks, he obviously had to convince her to believe that. Someone was a bit lonely haha
Gwyddone 29
Well... forgive me for laughing this hard... I still think it's cute somehow. Tell him to talk straight if he wants a bit of cuddling:D