Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML
Today, I invited an acquaintance over for tea. When he came in, I told him to make himself at home. He took it literally and now half of my pantry is messed up, my boyfriend's chocolate supply is gone, and I'm pretty sure our couch is broken. Thanks. FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents over dinner. During the meal, he excused himself to the bathroom, and when he didn't come back after a few minutes, I went to check up on him. I ended up finding him in the living room, pocketing a pack of ambien from my mom's bag. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML
Today, my boyfriend invited me over for dinner for the first time. The place was full of his ex's stuff, books on the shelves, makeup in the bathroom, clothes in the closet and even shoes on the floor. Not to mention creepy plush toys staring at me. She left him 8 years ago. FML
Today, I returned from a week-long vacation. My landlord told me he had let my boyfriend in my apartment to get something. I don't have a boyfriend. Everything in my apartment is gone. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
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Top comments
flutter4 7
He just wanted extra love from you
lacespace 8
Boo it's a criminal master mind!
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Comments (149)
xmaximusx 12
Thats awesome, be thankful he trys so hard hahaha
ideasrule 13
Your furniture got kicked over repeatedly and you thought it was a ghost? Are you ******* kidding me? You did not change the door lock, set up a surveillance camera, or call the police about the break-ins, preferrably all 3 at the same time? I don't usually say this, but you lack the most rudimentary common sense or critical thinking skills. I've known plenty of people who think the world will end in December, or that pushing needles into your skin will magically cure disease, or that their imaginary friend in the sky has given them the absolute truth but nobody else. I can guarantee you that all of them, upon seeing their home trashed, would be rational enough to call the police. They would not ascribe it to some supernatural power. P.S. Yes, I did just find some fancy words to call you an idiot.
klovely22 13
I think I would have thought break in the first time. More than I once though, I would have thought it was a ghost too. I mean, how often does one persons house get broken into that often?
ideasrule 13
Let's see. The first time, you think it's a break in, so you change your lock. Then your furniture continues to get knocked over. Hmm...who could possibly have access to my home all the time? There's me, there's my boyfriend, and...well, that's it. I know I didn't knock over the furniture, so who did? Oh God, intractable logic! It's NP-complete! My brain can't handle it! Why does the world have to be so complicated??????
the_true_batman 10
If only it were NP-complete, it's actually undecidable.
t765234 10
63- Wow, you seem like quite the ball of sunshine.
TrailblazerSS 5
I am pretty sure you just called God imaginary. What right do you have to tell people that they lack common sense and critical thinking skills if they believe in God?
Levvy 22
I dropped a glass cup once. Then a ghost shattered it the exact instant it hit the floor.
ideasrule 13
What right do you have to tell people that they lack critical thinking skills if they believe in unicorns? If someone believes there's only 1 unicorn and he's blue, and another believes there's only 1 unicorn and he's red, and the third believes he's yellow, are you telling me that all 3 contradictory beliefs are right? Please, come back when you have something logical to say.
Levvy 22
When people start questioning your "right" to attack a belief, it's because they can't actually find a defense against said attack, Ideasrule. If they had a rebuttal, they'd use that instead.
ideasrule 13
@60: Because if you honestly believe in ghosts, you're just as stupid as the OP.
jjacci 12
I laughed my ass off at this. Not because she thought the place was haunted, not at all, but the image of a guy just kicking the chairs over. That's his daily routine. It's so funny and disturbing.
Gcxtian 2
He's obviously using the D.E.N.N.I.S system.
the_true_batman 10
Best comment ever? Or best written words ever? Both.
KalCountry76 12
Maybe he's lonely and wanted some more time with you.
AllieGee 9
Hes got the wrong idea....He should just ask if you wanted to stay over instead of scaring the shit out of you...
Megan98 18
I actually think that's kind of sweet...haha.
FlyingPie 17
He was probably just doing it for kicks.
outoftown 27
Upsetting someone for WEEKS, for kicks? I'd call that sadistic.
annalily5 28
So when your boyfriend was taking advantage of the situation to have sex rather than call ghost-busters you didn't figure it out?