Today, I told a patient that we needed to collect a stool sample. I left the room momentarily to retrieve what the patient would need. He apparently didn't need anything besides the counter in the exam room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, working as a CNA, my nurse convinced me that in order to collect a stool sample, you had to have the patient take a dump in your hand. I only found out he was kidding after I collected the sample. FML
Today, I was at my gynecologist's for my checkup and had this sudden urge to poop - but it was my turn, so I just went ahead to meet the doc. The doctor noticed that I wanted to poop and also informed all the orderlies that, "This patient wants to pass stool now." FML
Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "How did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?" She yelled from the other room, "You know that little plate with the red stripe?" I was eating off it. FML
Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML
Today, I was in the ER where I work as a registrar. A patient received a plastic urinal to use in his room. Most patients throw them away when they leave. He, however, decided to take it with him, and as he checked out, put it on the registration counter. Two feet from my face. It was used. FML
Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for a physical. I've been sitting in the doctor's bathroom for 10 minutes now, trying to think of how to tell him I accidentally tripped and spilled my urine sample on the carpet. FML
Today, I asked a guy to change into a gown for an X-ray exam. I asked him to leave his underwear on, everything else off. Apparently he was going commando, as he left skid marks on my table when the exam was over. FML
Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML
Today, I was at a new shopping mall. After an hour, I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Spotting one, I ran inside, locked myself in a cubicle and relieved myself. The toilet paper was out so I knocked on the cubicle beside me to ask for some. A lady's voice answered. She needed some too. FML
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Top comments
martinv19 6
At least he waited for u to leave!
MotherHen88 4
Whenever someone says stool sample, I think of little tiny wooden bar stools for very small people to sit on.
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Comments (93)
perdix 31
You should dump him! As a patient, that is.
DocBastard 40
If I had a pound for every patient who pooped on my counter...well, I'd have nothing. But if I had a pound for every patient who A) IS a piece of shit, or B) smelled like shit, or C) talked a lot of shit, I'd be a very wealthy bastard indeed.
UberNova 18
Imposter! The real Stewie would never be so humour-handicapped!
fordman22 0
Rectal chipmunks?
UnknownAwesome 0
Why would you need a poopoo sample anyway
botanistjessica 24
Clearly capitalizing these attempted puns makes your comment 10x more amusing.
bjf10 22
It could always be worse...
GrammarTeacher 1
Apparently people don't know shit about shit.
monkeybambam89_fml 5
Haha that's funny taking a dump on the exam counter lol must've been full of poo too
DylansMomma 9
That's a shitty situation.