Today, I had an accident at work. Not the kind involving worker's compensation. The kind involving desperately scrubbing my office chair with paper towels, before going home to change my pants. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was constipated and strained so hard that I threw up into my pants and all over my shoes. I was at work, and no, I didn’t have a change of clothes. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, while working at my job at a nursing home, I slipped and fell. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just water. No, one of the residents had just had an "accident". FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, as I walked with a coworker to my office through a gas station, I slid on some oil and fell right on my ass. He helped by holding my lunch. My jeans are ruined and I'm too broke to buy a new pair. FML
Today, I went in for an interview. While I was waiting to be called, I used the restroom. When I stood up to wipe, I slipped on the floor and fell ass first into the unflushed toilet. I was found an hour later, covered in my own shit and too injured to move. FML
Today, at work, I used my foot to flush the toilet, lost my balance, and ended up catching myself with my foot in the toilet. FML
Today, I slipped at work while putting out a "wet floor" sign to make sure the customers didn't slip. FML
Today, I'm in the hospital getting prepped for a colonoscopy. Accidents happen, but the worst was right after the janitor finished cleaning the aftermath of the LAST accident. FML
Today, I went into a restaurant with my family. I slipped off my chair, pulling the tablecloth with all the food and drinks on it with me onto the floor. FML
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Top comments
trellz17 19
That's one of my worst fears, I hope not too many people noticed.
mld4657 28
well shit.. oh you already did..
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Comments (38)
crookedtiles 9
The only thing that makes this FML better is the fact that I read "workers' compensation" as workers' constipation.
blacklist98 1
where will you be when the diarrhea strikes?
Diarrhea_Volcano 29
At work
Captain_Debilos_fml 13
you need nappies
Kira1965 23
Yikes!
lazlowrave 10
Can't believe every fart...
saxaddict122 14
Decal matter? Wouldn't that be more of a sticky situation?
Brandi_Faith 34
And always keep a change of clothes (including underwear) in your car or office, or even desk drawer if you have too!
BananEnigma 24
Yeeeep, exact same thing happened to me before. To add insult to injury, I was "let go" a month later. Not like I wanted to be there anyway but still....
Tomryan279 10
Someone's getting diapers for there birthday this year. Once your by the ages of 5-90 you should be able to control your bowel movement. Unless you were hurt injured
MadeUpUsername 13
Maybe that's a sign you're old enough to retire..?