Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my new car. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML
Today, I had to be the designated driver for my mom and aunt. While driving them home, my aunt threw up on the car floor and my mom peed her pants, leaving a puddle in the seat. It was my car. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML
Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML
Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML
Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML
Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML
Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
fyl1009 0
ydi for using your new car as the ride. You should have used one of their cars
FallonsRocket 0
Next time, if youre the DD, take one of the other people's cars..they'll either be more respectful, or it wont matter if they are because you dont have to clean it.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (102)
abc123unme 0
those guys got serious issues charge em cash for doing that
sourgirl101 29
Thank you for being the DD. I bartend for years and always make sure there's a DD. I also cut them off even if someone else is driving. I can't stand drunk people getting to the point of turning into assholes. Live and learn. You'll know to leave earlier before they get too drunk next time! (Hopefully w/ a new set of friends). Btw don't they have car washes where you are? I'd make them pay you for all the damages.
bigpapi210 0
that's your own fault OP, you shoulda drawn the line somewhere.
sleekRelease 0
Next time, bring a mobile phone and a shotgun. Next month's YouTube videos will be fun.
xcrushh 0
Hm, get new friends. Or stop being so nice.
yusaku02 20
YDI for hanging around with idiotic drunks. Sucks about the car though.
CharlotteRx 4
aww... call a cab next time? Your friends are disgusting : (
onnielief 4
Lesson#1 If you are the designated driver you take the car of someone who is drinking. That way your car is not being puked on. If your "buddies" do not agree, let them pick another designated driver. Lesson#2 You should not let your frirnds drink enough to get them puking. YDI for not knowing the rules for being the designated driver.
boatkicker 5
Lesson #2 is invalid. OP is a driver, not a babysitter. Besides, have you ever tried to keep track of what multiple people are doing and drinking at any social event? Unless they all stay grouped together all night (unlikely) you'd spend the whole night running back and forth between them.
onnielief 4
Actually, yes I have. Try it sometimes, it is no fun to see your friends puking. You can allow them to get drunk and silly before they blow chunks. It is all about agreeing on who is going to be the responsible one before you go out, generally the DD. If you are not smart enough to see that, clearly your not old enough to drink, even though you're legal to drink.
boatkicker 5
Actually I'm in the US, where the drinking age is 21 so I'm not legal to drink. It doesn't matter anyways. I don't and wont drink, because having grown up with a bitchy alcoholic, I'm afraid of how I"ll act. She was horrible to me. I don't want to be horrible to anyone. But, anyways, I have actually tried to keep track of a handful of drunks. It's near impossible to know what more than 2 of them are doing at once, and even more difficult to get them to actually do what you say (stop drinking). The only semi-effective ways I've found are taking their drinks away (which is only a temporary fix. Somehow they always manage to find another....) or else getting them to the car to leave, but again, trying to get them to leave when they're having a good time is quite difficult.
karina_said 0
youre a good friend (: i'll be your designated driver next time around. i love the feeling of being the smartest one in the room hahaha
Maffu313 0
@61 i totally agree with your lesson #1 also that's why there are things called cabs and taxis. but it's also kinda fun to watch your friends get drunk and watch them do stupid things :D but definitely YDI