Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cockblocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent, causing the girl to scream and run away. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML
Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and another couple. We saw a black bear. I shrieked and peed, while the other guy stepped forward and yelled, "Get outta here!" To my surprise, it ran away. My girlfriend is so ashamed of me that she's refusing to share a tent. I'm sleeping in my truck bed. FML
Today, I went on a relaxing nature hike to de-stress. I got lost for hours, encountered a bear, and had to play dead, only for the bear to steal my sandwich then sit there for hours before finally leaving. FML
Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML
Today, I was ambushed by a very angry beaver. FML
Today, on Facebook, I noticed my friend had posted a picture entitled, "Does a bear shit in the woods?" Curious, I checked it out and discovered that while on our hunting trip, my friends took a picture of me, pants around my ankles, leaned up against a tree taking a dump. FML
Today, I came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking, as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it. I went camping alone. Two strangers were in my camper having sex. FML
Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mix it up and find a good place outdoors to have fun. After an hour of climbing up a rocky mountainside to a completely isolated clearing, out of the way of any hiking path, he was still so paranoid that he finished within 20 seconds. FML
Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML
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Top comments
beccaishereyay 11
Doesn't matter, had sex
mama2b3 20
Pussy. A real man woulda asked the bear to join, then made it his bitch!
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Comments (141)
vi3tno_romeo 5
U guys are real animals huh?..the woods uno..jheez
Azail 15
I'm guessing this comment above me is making grammar nazis cry right about now.
False_Stupidity 42
Well you can say you had a bear behind!
BrownSugar10940 2
Life sucks in any situation but I guess u sort of got it in
charisma797 5
You can't have sex in the woods, the scent attracts bears....but you know that now.
LennyComa 39
Do bears actually roar...I'm sure they sorta barked, anyways if true YDI for ******* in a bears toilet
Crazberry 5
Yes, when I was living out in the sticks and going for walks I always feared hearing the terrifying bark of a bear. City kid...
purplethunder 0
Still counts ;)
yuzuhere 21
Was it a Carebear?!
DocBastard 40
Oh give it a rest. If a 14 year old girl doesn't know what sex is, she's been living in a cave or under a rock. Fourteen is too young to HAVE sex, but definitely not too young to know or comment about it.
BlackBlazeCobra 16
The smell of sweat to a hear can smell like fresh meat. You are lucky you weren't mauled.
BlackBlazeCobra 16
*bear
j_cat187 20
Wtf is a hear?
Crazberry 5
Lol isn't "bear" a term for a big, fuzzy gay man? And another question, who was on top? Because it might have been amazing for you but not for her if there wasn't a blanket...