Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cockblocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent, causing the girl to scream and run away. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML
Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and another couple. We saw a black bear. I shrieked and peed, while the other guy stepped forward and yelled, "Get outta here!" To my surprise, it ran away. My girlfriend is so ashamed of me that she's refusing to share a tent. I'm sleeping in my truck bed. FML
Today, I went on a relaxing nature hike to de-stress. I got lost for hours, encountered a bear, and had to play dead, only for the bear to steal my sandwich then sit there for hours before finally leaving. FML
Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML
Today, I was ambushed by a very angry beaver. FML
Today, on Facebook, I noticed my friend had posted a picture entitled, "Does a bear shit in the woods?" Curious, I checked it out and discovered that while on our hunting trip, my friends took a picture of me, pants around my ankles, leaned up against a tree taking a dump. FML
Today, I came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking, as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it. I went camping alone. Two strangers were in my camper having sex. FML
Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mix it up and find a good place outdoors to have fun. After an hour of climbing up a rocky mountainside to a completely isolated clearing, out of the way of any hiking path, he was still so paranoid that he finished within 20 seconds. FML
Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML
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Top comments
beccaishereyay 11
Doesn't matter, had sex
mama2b3 20
Pussy. A real man woulda asked the bear to join, then made it his bitch!
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Comments (141)
MigraineurOfLife 15
It was Smokey the Bear making sure you didn't start a fire in his woods with all your hot sex. Mission accomplished!
Mayshod 3
I don't see this as an FML as long as no one got hurt. This is a hilarious life long memory that I would treasure. Plus after escaping the bear they probably had "I'm so glad to be alive and not mauled by a bear" sex. And that's a rare and joyous event. I keep trying to set that up with my fiance but the zoo wont let us visit anymore.
cookeemonster 7
31- that's what I meant. I don't really care if she on FML but it was the comment that made me say it. ^^ person above me, I also agree but still. Sorry to the girl's post I'm commenting on, but you get what I mean.
ac11_fml 0
At least u didn't die
rubberduckie94 13
I remember sex in the woods with my first boyfriend. It is absolutely amazing. ; ). We were lucky I guess though we only heard peacocks when we were at a certain spot. Have fun. Be safe, use a condom. Don't get ate......well by a you know, by a bear your boyfriend can do whatever he wants.
RedPillSucks 33
peacocks??? where to begin....
KiddNYC1O 22
Thanks for sharing, 69. Lol, 69...
rubberduckie94 13
Ie I was some woods in the foot hills of the Appalachian mountains. Below the bluff we would hike to evidently there was a farm that had them.
rubberduckie94 13
Wow I did not notice that thanks for the laugh.
loserman67 36
So did your girl get it "Yogi" style? "Hey Boo-Boo, get in front of her and let's try for a little DP !"
hurgleburger 2
Sex in nature is dangerous. The scent you give off attracts bears -_-
jeob1992 8
I think it might be due to the sweat..
OfficeNinja 5
Better to hear a bear than banjo music and a man squealing like a pig.
russian_bear 0
Shake that bear
Anastasya_fml 0
:)
Nick_Stauffer 1
he was cheering you on ;)