Today, I moved into my new house. The previous occupants failed to tell me that they'd recently kicked out their crazy crackhead son, who seems to think they've paid me to pretend that they've moved out and that I'm the new owner. He wants back in. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML
Today, after a week out of town, I came home to discover my front door unlocked. I was greeted by a reeking old lady and her gorging obese middle-aged daughter with a "Who the fuck are you?" and "What are you doing in my son's house?" Said son is the former owner, from whom I legally bought this house four years ago. FML
Today, I let my estranged husband move back in with my son and me. Later, his pregnant and underage girlfriend knocked on my door, crying about how her mom kicked her out. I'm such a pushover, they're in my bed and I'm on the couch. FML
Today, my abusive ex-husband thought it was a good idea to buy the house next door and start living there immediately. Looks like I gotta move. FML
Today, my landlord started showing my apartment, where I have lived and paid rent for over 2 years, to prospective tenants. I didn't realize that I was moving. FML
Today, it's been months since I inherited a nice house, only to discover it overrun with squatters. I had to legally evict them, costing thousands. When they were ordered to vacate, they set the house on fire. Now I have a blackened ruin and depleted savings. FML
Today, my screw-up brother turned up at my house, expecting to move in rent free. Apparently, mom kicked him out and sent him to me. He's a freeloading demon, who's almost impossible to get rid of, so I told him to get lost and locked my door. Now my mom calls every 5 minutes to call me a selfish asshole. FML
Today, after months of telling my parents I was going to live on my own, I finally moved out. Not even 24 hours being out of their house, some reject burned down the apartment complex I live in. Guess who's moving back home. FML
Today, my now ex-best friend decided to sell his house. This wouldn't be a problem if he hadn't asked me to live in it and look after it, which I've been doing for two years while he's abroad, and is the result of his loud-mouthed, obese mother leading him around by the nose, and forcing both of us to pay her bills. FML
Today, my new neighbor broke into our new house because his key didn't work. We just closed on the house this week and changed the locks when footprints were found in the bathtub after the cleaning crew went through. FML
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Top comments
whaime 10
Time to call the police! lol
rocker_chick23 27
Call the police.
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Comments (67)
VonBlitzkrieg 27
Lmfao. If all crack disappeared from the world, we'd have a shortage of funny stories.
cakefete2 31
Among other shortages, crack heads and dope fiends. I'll sacrifice the funny stories for the greater good.
TheDrifter 24
The first couple weeks after the disappearance will have plenty of funny stories about the antics of jonesing junkies forced to go cold turkey.
brand125 17
thats stupid. i know a lot of funny stories and no one was on crack...
blackonblight 33
Bah, we'd still have bath salts, Ambien, and Florida. The stories don't stop just because Snowflame is out of power. Florida alone can power the crazy story meter for weeks.
brianjman14 23
Better sleep with one eye open tonight in case he tries to break in. 0_o
avapaige1234 19
It's time to call 911 on him.
livforever 13
that's my son!
ihunter_rae 12
I agree with everyone on calling the police. Just ignore him trying to get in and I would definitely call the police before he tries something stupid
AUShano 15
His name isn't Jesse is it?....
KingLewisII 34
This one went right over my head
SDee1234 11
Breaking Bad:-)
classiceagle63 16
Call the cops and owners maybe?
MisterGasMoney 16
Run.
SophieLouiseG 12
phone the police.
arre2006 19
Hello restraining order