Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had sex with a guy I really liked. His testicle spontaneous turned inside his sack and he blacked out from the pain. He peed my bed, and I had to rush him to the ER so they could turn it back. Had to explain to his family and doctors what happened. It was my first time meeting them. FML
Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML
Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML
Today, the crush I've had for months finally came over to my place for the first time. It didn't last long however, as I suddenly had to go to the ER for severe testicular pain. FML
Today, I awoke with a swollen, painful testicle. I called the ambulance and went to the hospital. After they'd done an ultrasound, it's a bad infection. My nurse was someone I used to know and had a major crush on. She's responsible for checking my testicle every 20 minutes when she checks my heart rate. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML
Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
My favourite part is how she just left when you guys were done. You didn't have to pay for that sex, right? I can't imagine what runs through a hooker's mind when you tell her, "Don't wake my parents..."
xxmollyxx 25
How the hell did she manage that?
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Comments (252)
emodude44 0
Kinky girl!
Mpower121 2
I bet you felt absolutely crushed
shannonreneee 11
my boyfriend has that, had a motorbike crash and there's a dent where his balls his the bike. I am so glad I am a woman aha
SkyEatsJack 4
He must have balls of steel if they made a dent in a motorcycle
DKjazz 20
Shouldn't it have been two dents? Or did one... pop?
slushpup9696 12
Just threw up in my mouth a bit. interesting story, I know a guy who was skating and crushed his balls on a failed rail grind. Good thing his skinny jeans were protecting him! Oh wait no, he cried for half an hour. Huh.
Slim2306 10
kudos for acting cool until she left. that sound excruciatingly painful OP. make sure you're on top next time :P
trevishere 7
so;;;;; what'd you tell mom and dad? =3
dayrin7 4
omg... well atleast you got some ass ? :)
bparker92 0
36-wow. you think your cool. any form of fat jokes/insults just makes you look like an idiot.
Captain_Zorro 7
says a fat chick
izzy7 11
Wow. You found the wrong girl. Sorry dude.
tonnyfong 3
hopefully it's still usable! lol.