Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had sex with a guy I really liked. His testicle spontaneous turned inside his sack and he blacked out from the pain. He peed my bed, and I had to rush him to the ER so they could turn it back. Had to explain to his family and doctors what happened. It was my first time meeting them. FML
Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML
Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML
Today, the crush I've had for months finally came over to my place for the first time. It didn't last long however, as I suddenly had to go to the ER for severe testicular pain. FML
Today, I awoke with a swollen, painful testicle. I called the ambulance and went to the hospital. After they'd done an ultrasound, it's a bad infection. My nurse was someone I used to know and had a major crush on. She's responsible for checking my testicle every 20 minutes when she checks my heart rate. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML
Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
My favourite part is how she just left when you guys were done. You didn't have to pay for that sex, right? I can't imagine what runs through a hooker's mind when you tell her, "Don't wake my parents..."
xxmollyxx 25
How the hell did she manage that?
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Comments (252)
cupcake90210 0
ouch but it was worth it rite
ThanksKarma 0
130, you seem to have some major issues with fat chicks. I'm sure your parents are two extremely obese women. I hope one of them smothers you to death during a hug.
ADub55 0
bruising your business is not the business
Dudelike89 8
104-- It's like a hippity hop!
hightechlimos 3
sounds like you were ****** a fatty
Brookelyn007 0
sucks man.
BrittanyPernell6 0
whew.. time to do some pull ups and learns to holds them girls down
BrittanyPernell6 0
learn*
JokeMeister 0
what kind of sex were u having? pretty rough I'd say. But if youre into that type of thing...
UnderJonathan 8
vickill 0
hahahaha