Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had sex with a guy I really liked. His testicle spontaneous turned inside his sack and he blacked out from the pain. He peed my bed, and I had to rush him to the ER so they could turn it back. Had to explain to his family and doctors what happened. It was my first time meeting them. FML
Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML
Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML
Today, the crush I've had for months finally came over to my place for the first time. It didn't last long however, as I suddenly had to go to the ER for severe testicular pain. FML
Today, I awoke with a swollen, painful testicle. I called the ambulance and went to the hospital. After they'd done an ultrasound, it's a bad infection. My nurse was someone I used to know and had a major crush on. She's responsible for checking my testicle every 20 minutes when she checks my heart rate. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML
Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
My favourite part is how she just left when you guys were done. You didn't have to pay for that sex, right? I can't imagine what runs through a hooker's mind when you tell her, "Don't wake my parents..."
xxmollyxx 25
How the hell did she manage that?
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Comments (252)
PapSmearNinja 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
hahaha never get a whale to ride you on top! lmao just cause your hurting for poon...doesent mean you **** a fat girl.
starile 20
Fat girls suck dick like no other.
NikkiFlysKites 8
'Cause they're always hungry.
at1325 0
I hope a skinny girl crushes your balls during sex. the fml never described the girl he was screwing.
spadekqj10 0
low life
gatechfan1226 0
**** you buddy. do you even get laid?
shutterbug1190 14
You must have a very very high pain tolerance... Jeez thats frigging horrible. Hope you feel better soon and never, ever do that position again.
Jonnie_effed_up 0
I got a hell of a pain tolerance, but when my balls get hit, im on my knees!
Jonnie_effed_up 0
I got a hell of a pain tolerance, but when my balls get hit, im on my knees!
Jonnie_effed_up 0
I got a hell of a pain tolerance, but when my balls get hit, im on my knees!
slushpup9696 12
Revenge ********?
McGherkin 0
That's what I call a Nutcracker.
LiveRS 7
win
carmenm 6
you poor poor man , no idea how she managed that though better luck next time :)
mikaylaraymond 0
well guess i glfeel sorry for you and every other guy that girl slept with sorry op
foilindo 0
I'm imagining the doctor going through your balls analyzing it!!! lol. faaaaaaaaail!!!!!
Livinia 11
Tell her to massage your balls.
Babalu722 3
that hurts anyway, it wouldnt do much
a_nutritionist 10
the only people thumbing this up must be female. a male would have the knowledge to know when you have an injury to your balls, touching them in ANY way is not going to be a pleasant experience.
GamerMatt97 0
ouch and how the hell u manage 2 keep a straight face while sex with her.and 1 more thing how did u explain this 2 your parents and doctors/nurses
starile 20
Because he's pimp and his parents already know he gets hot booty.
wazzup182FML 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
was you having sex with an elephant of something
hunterrrc 5
at least now you wont have worry about getting anyone pregnant!