Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML
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Top comments
annis_fml 0
lol...he seems to have some insecurity issues
rukusrazor 0
What a loser, unless you are a constant nag, so much so that he thinks everything you say to him sounds like you're telling him what and how to do.
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Comments (250)
fermata 0
#180 LOL. Glad it worked out. It is absolutely hilarious. I just favourited it. Thanks for submitting it.
shutterbabe 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh man, i must say, i'm no fan of the sex FMLs, but this is my favorite now
razzlemyfrazzle 0
hahaha. this sounds like he doesnt have much sexual experience. you need to tell him to take a chill.
beebz_fml 0
ahahahhahahahahahah
abcd2211 0
oh ajsjdhdhd
freudianego 0
Everyone likes different things. That reaction is probably a bit strange, but maybe you should know your boyfriend a bit better before you try anything new. Ah, but FYL for having a prudish boyfriend anyway. Kinky sex should be fun, not scary.
Eiotlrd 0
cuff him to your bed when he's sleeping and punish him!
justcantlivealie 0
lol this made me laugh.. :)
fallingforever_fml 0
#123 MARRY ME PLEASE . I lawld . Your boyfriend is a jerk . srsly . he must be a chick cause it sounds like its ' his time ' of the month =D
natalieryanlol 0
sucks to be you get a new boyfriend honey hes nooot worth it any guy who doesnt do what you say should be a goner if he doesnt care about how youre feeling as well :)