Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my new car. FML
Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML
Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML
Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML
Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML
Today, I volunteered to be my brother's designated driver. I told him throughout the night that I wasn't drinking, but he ended up leaving me at the bar and going to his friend's house in a cab for more drinks, taking my keys along with him. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML
Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML
Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML
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Top comments
ironichalibut 24
At least you're all alive though, although it sounds like most will wish they weren't in the morning
GemmaStyles 14
Hey on the bright side you won't be the one with the hangover in the morning
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Comments (47)
TalkinSmack 6
Who gets so wasted at a work function that they puke?
VeganVampyre 27
Well... at the last work party I went to, our manager paid for the bar for 2 hours, so since drinks were free people got pretty damn wasted. When I saw my boss she had an open beer in each hand, but she put one down to do tequila shots. I'm sure plenty of people got that wasted.
khaya 9
He must have browned out.
ShakeDisPlace 10
o_uhu_intrstng 4
...and a driver who forgot to check drivers license for address?
o_uhu_intrstng 4
FYI the dd's job is to make fun of the super drunk ppl and how they threw up. if you make light of the situation and joke around with them the next day, that will leave a good impression.
Devko 5
Lets hope that they at least remember what you did. Sorry though
Fedezzer 20
Well, at least you didn't end up with three dying blokes in the boot.
Kc1001 14
A new episode for the Office. if it wasn't cancelled.
Brilliant66star 17
YDI. What made you forget that no good deed goes unpunished..?
TcheQ 12
Why not give them a reacharound while you're at it