Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my new car. FML
Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML
Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML
Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML
Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML
Today, I volunteered to be my brother's designated driver. I told him throughout the night that I wasn't drinking, but he ended up leaving me at the bar and going to his friend's house in a cab for more drinks, taking my keys along with him. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML
Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML
Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML
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Top comments
ironichalibut 24
At least you're all alive though, although it sounds like most will wish they weren't in the morning
GemmaStyles 14
Hey on the bright side you won't be the one with the hangover in the morning
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Comments (47)
BlackPhenom 9
Well whoever puked back there owes you one.
kim_larsa 5
Did you take him to your house and experimented?
Zebediabolical 45
I always find that I make a better impression when I'm partying along with them than being the sober dude. But that's just me.
mcrepas 19
Best way to make a friend is to puke with em. Puke buddies are for life
kevinhenning 4
Make them clean up there mess and take the drunk guy home ( because u can't just leave him stranded)
Fedezzer 20
Isn't it kind of obvious that he couldn't take the guy home BECAUSE he didn't know where he lived? Seriously, it was implied by the way he stressed the point.
chanellgymnast 17
At least you got them to their destination safely.
DjMonroe95 11
Sounds like the average intro to work party lol
perdix 31
When you're in a new setting, you have to get as drunk as the typical party-goer, otherwise you are a tee-totaling stick-in-the-mud. Party hearty, dude!
The_Thinker 18
The lingering odour of friendship! Normally, it's flatulence, but puke isn't that far off either.
buckdharma 38
Well op, at least you know where the drunk guy works. Make sure you go out for lunch with them and be sure to order the fish with the head still on, and don't drive!