Today, I surprised my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her 24th birthday. She got up from the couch as I entered, and I shouted, "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glanced over from the couch and greeted me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML
Today, when my girlfriend walked out the room, for a laugh, I covered my whole body except my knob in blankets. Then when I heard her come back in, I yelled, "Surprise!" It was her mom, who'd dropped by unannounced. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML
Today, after my girlfriend had said she was cooking surprise dinner for me this week, the crazy thing is I came home early from work and the surprise dinner was she was eating some dude's cock and balls. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by showing up at her apartment early. I climbed through her bedroom window, holding flowers. I got the wrong window. Some old man screamed, hit me with a broom, and called the cops. FML
Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML
Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML
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Top comments
Easy_Target 0
Nice entrance, Romeo.
cndrow 0
Complete win! Ahaha. That's was a totally awesome idea- just slightly wrong timing.
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Comments (79)
jstasilentscream 3
i second #22 , this is indeed an epic FML, i first read it last night and i'm still laughing my ass off every time i reread it ! it's amazing how far imagination can go.
kgirl12 0
lmaoooo that made me laugh so hard
babychi 0
haha wrong timing for the grand entrance.
scateice 0
l :O l
canulickteeth 0
hahahahahaha...smooth move
skyoolie 0
which is when he replies, "tonight I am going to stab YOU twenty-four times"
SimplySynful 3
Absolutely hilarious! Not exactly the best timing, but well worth the laugh.
SimplySynful 3
Absolutely hilarious! Not exactly the best timing, but well worth the laugh. I hope her father had a sense of humor. I must also agree with #32, that would have been my reply if I had been the father.
pulpfiction_fml 3
Where the **** did you come up with "my **** is going to stab you"? Is it sharp? Does it have a pointy tip? And if so, why would she be turned on by that? That would hurt. A lot.
janeb_fml 0
To people asking about the 'stab' thing - this guy is from France. He obviously means something like poke or something that doesn't have a direct translation.