Today, I surprised my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her 24th birthday. She got up from the couch as I entered, and I shouted, "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glanced over from the couch and greeted me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML
Today, when my girlfriend walked out the room, for a laugh, I covered my whole body except my knob in blankets. Then when I heard her come back in, I yelled, "Surprise!" It was her mom, who'd dropped by unannounced. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML
Today, after my girlfriend had said she was cooking surprise dinner for me this week, the crazy thing is I came home early from work and the surprise dinner was she was eating some dude's cock and balls. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by showing up at her apartment early. I climbed through her bedroom window, holding flowers. I got the wrong window. Some old man screamed, hit me with a broom, and called the cops. FML
Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML
Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML
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Top comments
Easy_Target 0
Nice entrance, Romeo.
cndrow 0
Complete win! Ahaha. That's was a totally awesome idea- just slightly wrong timing.
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Comments (79)
bluehero 17
Poke
yukiokashi 12
nobody is alone on their birthday
Eewt 20
Okay, after I read this the second time it made a whole lot more sense. I thought it said "She gets up from the couch as I enter and [she] shouts 'Tonight, my **** is going to stab you twenty-four times!'" I burst out laughing the first time, but it was kind of a buzz kill when that's not what really happened.
harshallmeim69 9
Wow. I thought I had the most embarrassing entrance (accidentally running into a girls bathroom while playing guitar, except I had the body of the guitar behind and the neck and headstock sticking out between my legs, it was for a music video.)
TheLynx_fml 20
I think I have a new favorite fml
rattyrayvn 21
I don't think I would be excited if my boyfriend referred to sex involving 'stabbing' :P
lucasjames22 8
I don't know how to say this nicely but you sound like a real jackass
kevinsagirl2323 8
I hate to be rude but you sound like an idiot.
randybryant799 21
So glad you're not my boyfriend.