Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while I was walking home from work, it started to rain. Clutching my bag in one hand, I started to run so I wouldn't get too wet. I saw a man running towards me and all of a sudden he tackled me to the ground. He thought I had stolen someone's handbag. FML
Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Today, I felt a tug on my backpack and found my wallet missing. A nice stranger pointed to a guy running down the stairs and said "There goes the guy who took your wallet!" I ran to catch the supposed offender. The 'nice' stranger was the actual offender distracting me as he got away. FML
Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML
Today, on the way home, a guy yelled "Hey, YOU!" from behind me, so I walked faster. He ran up to me, shouting, "I said stop, asshole!" I almost pissed myself in fear, thinking I was being mugged. Turns out I'd left my wallet at the grocery store, and he was just trying to return it. FML
Today, I was walking to the movie theatre with my boyfriend, when three guys muscled over and told us to hand over our phones. My boyfriend didn't waste any time pushing past me and running like hell, leaving me in tears and almost having a panic attack. FML
Today, I saw a toddler bolt in a parking lot. Since he was running towards the road behind me, I scooped him up to hand off to his mother. She shrieked, snatched him from my hands, and sprayed me with mace. While I was writhing in pain, some punk kid lifted my wallet and phone. FML
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Top comments
evilplatypus 39
I'm sure plenty of jerks will blame it on the fact that you eat at McDonalds and assume you're fat or lazy, but no matter how fit you are, someone will always be fitter. I'm sorry OP; that truly sucks. I have a cross-shoulder purse because it makes it so much harder for run-by muggers.
Dracoboxer357 36
Regardless of your age or fitness level, being robbed always sucks. Sorry it happened to you, Op. :p
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Comments (125)
ParadoxicalPea 8
LOL. Seriously? This is why I live in a small town. The people here that would mug you are mostly crack heads that can't out run me.
Dracoboxer357 36
11- I take it you've never had to fight a crackhead before, if you think you'd Want to chase one down! ;)
etchsanity1 11
That's an oddly specific reason to live in a small town... Most people in small towns exhort the low or non-existent drug issues as a good reason. Which small crackhead centric town do you live in :)
ParadoxicalPea 8
52 the Comox Valley. It includes a few towns and a village or 2. xD
Michael_92 20
I live in a small town too..its horrid. Everyone knows everyone, gossip, rumors, its like high school for adults.
klovemachine 24
OP, were you wearing high heel shoes?
perdix 31
#13, in the snow while carrying luggage!
Kkkdawg 27
Also, I'm 25 and am out of breath after walking up stairs. But I'm really ill and weak. It's not always because the person is fat/lazy/out of shape..
BellaBelle_fml 23
Thank you! I have an autoimmune disease that causes arthritis as a sort of a side effect. I can't run very much due to the pain in my hips and knees.
lishajoy777 14
Dont feel bad OP I wouldn't have even tried.. Just THAT lazy.
ns1985 15
And the lesson here is?
A7XCamaro 19
Carry a concealed weapon, not in your purse.
LuckBeNimble 19
cardio. edit: 27 said the same thing! O:
AllThingsBright_ 11
Sounds like you should lay off of Mickey D's and jog once in a while. With a little training maybe you'll finally be able to get your belongings back in a month or two.
BLACKSAGE 4
I would of shot him in the knee cap
john6155 1
Shit on exercise buy a firearm and get a concealed carry permit wont happen twice
Dracoboxer357 36
23- I couldn't justify pumping someone full of lead over the contents of my wallet (don't own a purse, sorry). If it came down to that, they can ******* keep it. :p A taser on the other hand.... ;D
wvcheesehead1 9
Finally a voice of reason.
noelasis94 18
That was him cueing you to be a champ eat your wheaties and turn fifty in a day
AnyaS 19
And that's why he picked you.