Today, I got a few notes from this girl I've liked at school for about two years, telling me she feels the same way. My dad knocked on the door and I panicked and said, "Hold on!" I shoved them under my pillow, then told him to come in. He said, "Son, it's perfectly normal to masturbate." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said, "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom taking a massive dump, with the door closed, moaning and yelling to get it out, knowing I was home alone. When it was done, I walked out to see my mother on the couch, who said, "I know masturbation is normal, but please try to do it while we're not here." FML
Today, I was touching myself under the sheets at 2:00 a.m. when my very drunk dad walked into the room. I was afraid to move my hand for fear of getting caught red-handed, so I had a 30 minute conversation with him with my fingers still inside me. FML
Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML
Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
jkqd 1
Apparently a lot of people can't imagine how embarrassed you might be as a child/teenager just realizing you're going to be starting a relationship with someone you've secretly been in love with. Even if you weren't super embarrassed, who would respond to a sudden knock at this moment of epiphany by saying, "Come on in, Dad, this girl who've I've been obsessing over for two years finally loves me back, here read all the notes she just gave me talking about it in intimate detail"? Please.
NorfolkDude 2
I'm confused... why would you hide them? Were the letters somehow sexual in nature? In anycase, it was your fault for hiding things that weren't supposed to be hidden in the first place.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (31)
Fall3nAngel 23
AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! XD WIN!
Reinhard_Xenon 0
XD what a dad
MileyCyrusIsHot 5
it shouldn't be.
Dexasaurus 0
Wait, wait! Your dad actually KNOCKS?! God damn, you are lucky for that. On the other note; Your dad FTW.
JrRacer4007 0
Hey, he'll knock from then on and why would you act like a note is pot or something? Lol
Chad_the_Brony 0
Why would you be ashamed of that? I'd keep reading it.
FranzFerdinand 18
There should be an option along with eff your life and you deserved it- your life is a sitcom. YLIAS, man. The laugh track would've been perfect after an incident like that.
gousafutbol 0
Ur dad must be Jim's dad from American Pie
jazzmin1997 16
Apart from that weird note from your dad, not pretty bad! This is everyone's dream right?
r83839 22
That's why you shove them under your pillow and then calmly tell your dad to come in. No need to panic and inform him you're hiding something.