Today, I had a small gathering of family and friends over to celebrate my son's baptism. One of my friends happens to be a police officer. The entire event consisted of him arresting three of my family members. Don't worry, he came back to get some cake. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after my parents left for the weekend, my "friends" decided to throw a party at my house, despite my protests. In order to get them to leave, I called the police. I was the only one arrested, while they got warnings. FML
Today, my estranged father, who is a cop, decided to show up to my 17th birthday party. He immediately began arresting people for underage drinking. Way to mend fences, dad. FML
Today, I had my 18th birthday party. At midnight, three police officers showed up at my door and asked if they could look around. Were we doing anything bad? Nope. My friends suck at parking. Before they left, the officers said that this was the most toned down party they'd seen in years. FML
Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML
Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML
Today, my son is such an idiot that he forgot he invited both his girlfriends to my brother's funeral. They started a punch-up over him and everyone ended up joining in since we're a very argumentative family. People got arrested and in the end both girls agreed to share my son, who was unconscious. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally met my brother. He arrested him for drunk driving. FML
Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML
Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
I don't see anything wrong with this as long as everyone got cake.
extremenoodles 0
That's what you get for combining your son's baptism with your annual underground ****-fighting night.
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Comments (127)
Ancients 8
Sounds like a good time!
bebacklater 0
what kind of family do you have? mafia???
beccusmaximus 0
That's what I was thinking. I wonder if all of OP's uncles are named "Tony" and "Joey."
TheDrifter 24
Nah. The mafia family would have simply paid off the cop and sent him home without cake.
ksummerville91_fml 0
without cake?!
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
your son is the devil!
ispitflames 3
perhaps underage drinking or the puffin of the sweet herb.
CreepyGuy666 2
U got it sir ^^
beanstar11 5
bam, unfriended?
daywalker26 0
I remember my first day of being a cop too!
skateandsmoke420 0
ur a douch then. **** the police!
btnhdude 0
34s going NWA style, nice.
averagesuperhero 0
Why goes everyone hate cops so much? They're here to help us, duh. Sheesh.
Gameguy602 0
103, I agree with the message you were trying to convey, but I think you could have made use of the time fml gives you to edit comments.
underguarded 20
Don't invite that jerk back!
seacadet 18
For doing his JOB!!!???
restythestar 0
mafioso in town?
Mirorbo 27
This is one reason why I don't like cops or any enforcer of the law. They always have to ruin everything!
FMLollie 7
WHAT seriously I wish to become a cop and it's there job to make sue the laws are kept! you break 'em get the consequences but if the cop in the fml was off duty then he's dick why would you want to ruin your friends night!
Mirorbo 27
Did that really have to be a reply? It doesn't even sound like you're responding to me directly....
musicnote9 0
Yes, but then there are cops who break the laws because they think they can get away with it. Or those who just beat up whom ever they wish. Good cops, bad cops.
roeallen 11
ha I see what you did there
EvilDave 13
Yeah, you keep thinking that and don't bother to call the cops when someone beats, robs, rapes, and/or murders someone you care about or yourself
keoct 4
Lol #68. That’s what I always tell people when they start bad mouthing the police. Funny thing is my neighbour house got broken in to and right in his front window is a sign saying “this ain’t no coffee shop, pigs go away”... so they did, only problem now is he won’t shut up about how they didn’t find the guy who did it.
mitchn60 6
One night I had a woman go off on me, name-calling and everything, because I made her turn down her music. A couple hours later when her boyfriend was slapping her around I was the one she ran to. I wanted to tell her I wasn't there for her protection, just everyone else. Guy got sprayed, cuffed & stuffed.
Howljerk 0
We don't know why they got arrested. This FML leaves a little more to be desired.