Today, after an hour of crying over a guy I like, I put on some Adele and sang along. My mom quickly took notice and came to give me advice, which was to "get over it" because he doesn't want me, and that "masturbation beats relationships hands down." Gee, thanks mom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML
Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML
Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML
Today, I told my mom about the rough time I'm having over my recent break-up, and how I can't help thinking about my ex every single day. Her attempt to console me involved saying, "Pft. I bet he doesn't think about you every day" and walking away. Thanks. FML
Today, as I sat on my couch heartbroken from a very recent breakup, my mother walked up to me and in a very comforting voice said, "Maybe he left you for someone else." FML
Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML
Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML
Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML
Today, I called my mom to see how she was doing. She quickly hijacked the conversation and said that she's signed me up for a dating site, because she feels bad that I can't find a decent man. I've been dating my boyfriend for seven months, and she's seen me with him multiple times. FML
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Top comments
strawberrywine22 30
If singing along to Adele is your way of grieving over your lost relationship, I'm with your mother. Maybe you should stick to boyfriends that require AA batteries.
ballbearing 10
Your mom is right.
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Comments (94)
akiahara 14
Well... she's got a point. Suck it up.
phatdaddy62 23
Well if she's masturbating instead of being in a relationship, exactly what is she going to "suck up? "
perdix 31
#36, it's gonna be hard. Mom's always going to know how to push her buttons!
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Sounds like Mother is really rubbing it..in.
emeraldisle 30
Good advice.
stripeycrakers 7
Hey you got to "get it in" as much as possible for it make any "sense"
astralvagan 20
She has a point though!
gc327072 31
37 you're not getting to the meat of the problem though.
BlackPhenom 9
She probably just said anything that came through her mind so you would turn the radio off.
Foxy_On_Fire 21
No it doesn't
rummzy 6
Get it, hands.....down