Today, I learned that the three secretaries at work make spreadsheets about who uses the toilets, when and for how long, and then make bets on who will take the longest toilet break, who will use it the most often, etc. Now I constantly look at my watch whenever I use the toilets. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that I've spent so much time playing Sudoku in the bathroom at work that I've trained myself to need to pee whenever I open the app. FML
Today, I was confronted by my superiors for spending a "suspicious" amount of time in the bathroom every day. Not only did I have to take the test, but I also had to send in a doctor's note proving that I have a bowel condition I'd hoped to keep secret. FML
Today, as I was transcribing my manager's recorded orated memo, I heard an unmistakable grunt and splash of an impromptu "bathroom deposit." It seems like my manager is maximizing his time like never before. FML
Today, after I'd left my former job because of burnout for another job, where they'd said handling call time wasn't important, my new employer demands to fill in every day during the week how much time I spent on each task and calls, bathroom or coffee breaks, as "waste-time", and we need to fill in how much time we "wasted" pissing or shitting. FML
Today, I went to use one of the toilets at work, where once again someone had not flushed their poo. I work at an institute for higher education, and this happens on a weekly basis, even during the summer when no students are around. FML
Today, my smart toilet analyzed my “data” and sent a health alert to my entire family group chat. With charts. FML
Today, as any other work day, I sat down for lunch. Unfortunately, the door to the toilet is right next to where I sit. Every time a colleague uses the toilet, I hear everything, which puts me off my lunch. FML
Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML
Today, I got an email from a colleague with a picture in it of shit on the toilet seat. The email said, "Not pointing fingers but I left you out of the last email." I pee a lot and so I use the toilet a lot. I think everyone at work thinks it was me. FML
Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML
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Top comments
nonsensical 26
Just stay there for 15 minutes one day, make them all lose their bets and give them a wink when you walk out
Welshite 40
Join the office betting pool, and soon the pot will be overflowing. C'mon, the spreadsheets are simple toilet humor.
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Comments (37)
Ben14h 22
That's weirddddd
gayyyyyyyyyy 9
Sounds like a you problem. ?
sonasonic 34
Sounds like you don't know basic English.
Starlight8 14
Sound like someone is a bully. FML is wide known, and it's translated in all languages. So chill, mmm Kay? :-)
harbz 5
Do you really not understand that phrase? You really shouldn't be talking about not understanding things.
EnJey0 19
The app you're on is called "FML" (**** my life) so of course the person would be talking about a problem that only affects them
Welshite 40
Join the office betting pool, and soon the pot will be overflowing. C'mon, the spreadsheets are simple toilet humor.
nonsensical 26
Just stay there for 15 minutes one day, make them all lose their bets and give them a wink when you walk out
fakhshit 13
typically Chinese -_- ( jokin' )
evilplatypus 39
I'm curious - is there some stereotype about Chinese and bathrooms that I'm not aware of?
rockeditionbarbi 14
Don't forget to wash your hands! ?
james_logan 19
People downvoting this comment probably haven't seen the other office bathroom FML "Today, my coworker cornered me in the office bathroom and insisted that, because she's been watching me, I use the bathroom too quickly and must not be washing my hands, and that I have to wash them from now on. FML"
james_logan 19
Maybe the aforementioned office worker wanted him to wash his hands so he would take longer so she would win the bet...
MidnaLink 35
Hack into their computer and delete the file, or report them for basically invading yours and others privacy.
ExpectNeo 12
Jesus Christmas, you could just take random times in there to screw them over. But no, its either doing something illegal or dumping someone on here.
MamaChey 24
#8: "Excuse me HR professional, I'd like to report a crime" HR: "A crime? Sit down. Have you reported it to the police? What IS it?" #8: "The secretaries are invading my privacy. They are timing my poops. EVERYONE'S, actually. I tried hacking into their PCs and deleting their spreadsheets, but that didn't work." HR: "Wait. What? You are fired." #8: "Aren't you gonna call Archer?" HR: "Archer? WTF? No. You are fired"
MidnaLink 35
Well, I did say "or report them" meaning they don't HAVE to get in the computer. Gosh, no one LISTENS to me!
Shade1982 21
Well, honestly, recording someones toilet time isn't really invading privacy is it...
olleekenberg 20
#8 you are very wierd...
jassy33 1
Actually, it kind of is. It's really inappropriate to be monitoring someone's bathroom habits/times, it's none of their business. and it's certainly inappropriate to make friggin spreadsheets about the whole thing! Those three people crossed a line and should be reported for inappropriate behavior.
GirasolNegro 22
What boring lives they must lead if THAT'S how they have "fun!" Don't they have anything better to do, like I don't know... actually work?!
pumpkinpatch24 2
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That's why I poop on the company time.
wow2mylife 25
My dad supperviser do it too but he is a depatcher for the police so they have to but I agree one time go in there for 15 min and let them lost for once