Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I had a nightmare and woke up in a cold sweat. My girlfriend was in bed with me at the time, and swears I yelled out another girl's name. She considers this proof that I'm cheating on her, and now she won't even speak to me. FML
Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, I woke up from an amazing dream I was having about my girlfriend. We were laughing and holding hands, the kind of dream I wanted to stay asleep for. When I finally got up, I was excited to tell her about the dream but then I remembered. We broke up a week ago. FML
Today, I got woken up and kicked out of bed. Apparently if I cheat in her dreams it still counts. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, my wife had a dream that I was in the bath with our newborn baby. In the dream, I threw the baby out like a football. She can't get the image out of her head and won't forgive me. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I was learning how to start having lucid dreams. She was convinced the only reason I could possibly want to have them was so I could cheat on her in my own dreams. FML
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Top comments
man_eating_bunny 18
Somebody's indecisive...
jenninator93 18
Just gonna say, yes FYL but YDI a little bit for staying in a relationship with a total psycho.
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Comments (74)
davincidasecond 24
If anyone did that to me, I swear to God, they'd be single, right then and there. I absolutely can't stand it when some women pull that bullshit.
ChildrenOfFilth 12
Welcome to the world of women, buddy.
zsaddayz 16
Break up with her
ChefEPL 9
Call her bluff and wake her up tonight.
poirot_fml 13
Sorry, but I think she's looking for any reason to fight .. My advice end it .. B/c she's searching for mind-reading, charming, non-sexual prince .. As someone above said.
worldclassrager 41
She can't control a body...it happens...just bad timing for you
Urpoppy 21
You should really dump that idiot of a so-called woman. You will live a long miserable life with her.
Goblin182 27
the very definition of "******* up a wet dream".
CaroAurelia 12
I think it's about time you left, son.
Okamichu 21
Idk if I would want to date someone like that...