Today, a repairman came to fix my couch, which is under warranty because the frame had broken in multiple places. To ensure I got a new couch out of the deal, I stabbed multiple holes into the cushion. The guy fixed the frame, but said there was nothing he could do about lacerations on the sofa. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML
Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML
Today, whilst out shopping with my crush, I decided to jokingly try on a silly-looking dress in an overly-expensive shop. Apparently I took the wrong size as I couldn't get out. Not only did the shop assistants have to publicly cut me out of the dress, I had to pay for it. FML
Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML
Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML
Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
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Top comments
YdoIhaveAchode 4
You're stupid.
EricWill 1
Are you retarded?
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Comments (132)
YdoIhaveAchode 4
You're stupid.
FYLorYDIohno 12
Guess it backfired on you.
Xythenol 6
That's what happens when you get greedy, OP.
taera 8
If only there was a way to fix your own lack of extended thought processes.
Michael_92 20
I want a new truck under warranty because the engine blew...oh i know ill smash the body with a hammer that should do it.
Naitras 15
Think it is time to learn how to sew.
thiscrazything 1
A couch can be repaired, but stupidity can't.
jab7769 8
Actually not that stupid I used to work for a furniture company and if their were problems with fabric then u could turn in the claim for new sofa. But idk what company op bought it from or her warranty just saying it is possible that it could of worked.
supermonke07 0
Your picture scared me
kitkat789 2
57 ur pic was the pic I was gonna use
airforce987 20
Anybody else accidentally read it as "crotch?" O.o
jab7769 8
I get thumb down for telling facts about my former company. Lol
elementalz 2
That is called fraud and is a felony. YDI
gr8koolkat 6
81 - No, you get thumbed down for complete lack of grammar and encouraging people to do the wrong thing.
Calyx_fml 22
Generally your warrantee covers things that are due to defective materials or manufacturing. Things that would be the fault of the company. Stab wounds are obviously not the manufacturers fault. So yes, you are indeed an idiot. You deserve every last bit of that couch.
tjv3 10
Agreed OP is stupid. OP you should have just been happy with it being fixed. Your dishonesty is being rewarded now you have to sit on a ghetto ass couch
foxhead128 5
I was going to say something of that sort, but I clearly got here too late.
fatcow282 8
Karma is a bicth
truecommenter 7
what a stupid shit
tin_cup 27
can't fix stupid
allia118 11
Way to go.
Lrs614 3
^ Ace
comedybreak 20
LOOOL. That boosted my mood too much to give it a YDI
EricWill 1
Are you retarded?
3rdbass 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What are you, 12?
mattorama 15
No, just a greedy self entitled thief.
iamyourgod 3
116 - no a thief would have stole something. An ignorant dumbass (who thinks getting a new couch when they already have a new one getting repaired is beneficial to them, despite it being a wasteful burden on society and taking longer for them to get a couch) would have broken something under warranty that clearly wasn't negligence. A retard, like OP, would be an ignorant dumbàss who also has challenges thinking through the simplest things. Such as most warranties don't cover negligent or purposeful damage and lacerations of couches can't be repaired back to their former look so slitting it with a knife is a bad idea. Actually come to think of it, I don't even think retards are this stupid.
wolfshadow 4
136, what OP would have gotten away with is fraud. If the company can fix the frame, then the customer is not fully entitled to a new couch. Stabbing the couch in hopes of gaining a new one is basically like murdering someone to get a couch. And yes, a couch has just as much worth as a human. Why don't you sit on that, human race!
coolrunnings1021 14
you cant say retarded!!! Its special needs!!!🤣
kelsielgreen 0
what made you think you would get a new couch out of that?? that was obviously not a manufacr
kelsielgreen 0
manufacturers defect. way to go, genius! ;)
citymayer 7
That's what I'm wondering. Also, wtf did you do to the couch that it broke the frame?!
evilplatypus 39
139 - They had a choice between a couch and a trampoline; they chose both.
Jf770 10
Just tell people it's a new Japanese couch style. Bitches love Japan.
AugustBurnsToast 14
Unless they find a kimono on the bedroom floor that's not theirs.
thejewishfuhrer 17
Obama loves bitches. Just kidding my fellow Americans, I have a lovely wife named Michelle. And I'm the head of the motherfucking state.
CryMoreFMLs 15
You mean head of the nation? No wonder why we've hit these hard times...
davidbdb485 0
#76 the president is also the head or chief of state. Good thing you know the unenumerated powers of the president.
Daiyuki 5
What.. the heck is that zebra-striped thing in your picture?
Jf770 10
What does it look like?
jakethejeep 7
best name ever #39
nirvi 3
Look before you leap...
felisaa 5
If the warranty already covered the broken frame why go out of your way to break it more?...:/
Michael_92 20
Maybe it was really really ugly? Even then its stupid to do.
hellonyancat 6
Why would you ever think they would fix something that is obviously not a defect but an act of vandalism.
MotherHen88 4
People like you piss me off
LennyComa 39
Agreed, now OP sit on you lacerated couch stop being a ****.