Today, a repairman came to fix my couch, which is under warranty because the frame had broken in multiple places. To ensure I got a new couch out of the deal, I stabbed multiple holes into the cushion. The guy fixed the frame, but said there was nothing he could do about lacerations on the sofa. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML
Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML
Today, whilst out shopping with my crush, I decided to jokingly try on a silly-looking dress in an overly-expensive shop. Apparently I took the wrong size as I couldn't get out. Not only did the shop assistants have to publicly cut me out of the dress, I had to pay for it. FML
Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML
Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML
Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
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Top comments
YdoIhaveAchode 4
You're stupid.
EricWill 1
Are you retarded?
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Comments (132)
Igor_g5 0
Dumb shit. Holes stabbed in the cushion aren't covered by the warranty. Any idiot knows that.
Zachthejoker 10
Who willingly stabs their couch? Wtf is wrong with you?
iloveyouh1234 0
Dummmb lol
Objectofdespair 1
Ur fault
misshighjinks 5
Why would you make it worse on purpose? You deffinetly should have thought that one through a little more because what you did made no sense.
untamed112 0
Why didn't you just break more of the frame instead of shanking the couch it seems much more likely that you would get a new one if the entire frame had damage and also how would you get a new couch because the couch had random shank marks in it
iamcrazy_fml 6
Ydi. Greedy asshole
mighthov 1
Dumbass
Emerald_86 0
You really are something Special....really special...
Pogox 5
You're a dumbass