Today, a repairman came to fix my couch, which is under warranty because the frame had broken in multiple places. To ensure I got a new couch out of the deal, I stabbed multiple holes into the cushion. The guy fixed the frame, but said there was nothing he could do about lacerations on the sofa. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML
Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML
Today, whilst out shopping with my crush, I decided to jokingly try on a silly-looking dress in an overly-expensive shop. Apparently I took the wrong size as I couldn't get out. Not only did the shop assistants have to publicly cut me out of the dress, I had to pay for it. FML
Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML
Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML
Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
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Top comments
YdoIhaveAchode 4
You're stupid.
EricWill 1
Are you retarded?
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Comments (132)
yesibby760 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Maybe, its Time for a new couch , just maybe . .
DespairFaction 11
No way the frame on this couch is perfect just turn the cushions over. Right?
I_heart_sex 1
Doh!
lalalanono 8
Why do you need a new sofa if they're able to repair your current one? Asshole scammers like you make the prices go up for everyone else.
thejewishfuhrer 17
Agreed.
gr8koolkat 6
I really don't understand people who comment 'agreed'. I mean if you agree just thumbs up the comment? :/
bfsd42 20
102, Agreed.
elk21dbm 18
I completely and wholeheartedly agree with your comment
purplemnm 9
She thought they wouldn't be able to fix the frame.
melissahoefs83 2
That doesn't matter it's still ignorance on her part. She deserves a broken couch now!
UnikornG33K 12
If it was under warrenty, then why the hell would you stab the cushions??
Llamacod 11
In an attempt to get a new couch, didn't you read the fml?
mandadarling 10
Prolly should have asked them when you called for repairs what their coverage was on the damages.
yesibby760 0
maybe, its time for a new couch, just maybe..
Blue_Black_fml 21
You don't say..
KnightAngela1109 10
Guess you will just have some new places to hide things
Serythvalker 7
Pennies!
ByronJess 17
If you ever have the urge to complain that something is overpriced, stop and think about how it's the people like you who help to contribute to the rising costs. You're a scammer, you definitely deserved it.
Mirorbo 27
Yeah, I've tried, but I got nothing. Just what was going through your mind to make you think that was a good idea, darling?
iranoutofnames 6
Congratulations! You're an asshole.
therealslim 15
'Dambass'? That's a new one