Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home, my boyfriend asked for road head, arguing that "She said that stuff about orgasms." Not you, honey. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML
Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones made her extremely horny. The doctor said that intercourse during pregnancy was very healthy, so we decided to do it. Let's just say that the bumpy ride didn't help her morning sickness. FML
Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML
Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML
Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML
Today, my boyfriend rather stupidly assumed that because my vagina is no longer in use after giving birth, we would automatically start having anal sex. After I loudly explained how that wasn't happening, he then had the nerve to ask for a blowjob before we'd even left the hospital. FML
Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Today, after a 3-month dry spell because I am recovering after having a baby, I was finally in the mood to get intimate with my husband. Foreplay was great, the sex was great until my back gave out right as I was about to cum. I can't move without intense pain. I just wanted to orgasm! FML
Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML
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Top comments
pwnman 33
You could have said that having sex with him caused the problems!
xoamy906 25
What would make him think it was about him?
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Comments (125)
NekoNekoMidnight 7
My mother has told me and some of my friends who have been pregnant (I have not been pregnant) that consuming sperm can help start labor. I don't remember exactly why but she said it worked for all 3 of the kids she's had!
perdix 31
#31, are you on the boyfriend's payroll?
tegraturbo2000 15
lol thats great
kayteakay 26
Sperm contains the same chemical that they give you to induce labor. My husband made the same round of corny jokes when I had to be induced with our sons.
askingandy 23
It's possible she didn't actually breed with him, but that it's another person's baby and they started dating while she was pregnancy. So hopefully she didn't pass along those self-centered, shitty genes after all.
Altrnate_Reality 14
leave it to a guy to think that him having an ****** would induce labor..
paprika_pilipili_fml 14
Your boyfriend is either a retard, either a complete douchebag. I don't know what's worse...
MsMourningStar 22
"Your boyfriend is either retarded or a complete douche bag."
Playitlovely 13
I am sorry you had to deal with that, at least he is a boyfriend and not a husband...
MzZombicidal 36
But, either way, they're having a baby together. So even if they break up, they'll always have that child keeping them together in some way.
itsnotyourfault 9
He is obviously a terrible listener... He is missing out on some important information!
FrankHotpants 31
Perhaps he's a bit selfish but regardless of her pregnancy I'm sure it wouldn't have changed the fact that he wanted some head, the man saw an opportunity and took it.
Chellybelly92 14
Being 9 months pregnant can you even bend down to give him head?
RedPillSucks 33
Maybe he's so well endowed that she doesn't have to bend down.
dawnimus 21
I'm really surprised that nobody has commented on how ******* unbelievably dangerous road head is. Driving safely requires concentration, you can't ******* concentrate on the road when you've got someone's mouth wrapped around your ****.
neuroticallyyour_fml 17
and I'm really surprised that no one has pointed out that it has in fact been mentioned and you've just failed to see it.
dawnimus 21
Admittedly I missed number #11 where it says it's potentially fatal, but other comments have talked about how giving road head "that far along" is dangerous/impossible, which wasn't the point I was making. Also the discussions about it being generally unsafe were made in reply to earlier comments and all happened after I posted this. So sorry I missed one comment, I'll go and hide in a corner now.
mosquito19 14
what's road head? punch his **** while he's driving?